You are going to drive yourself nuts with the assumptions!
First, I can understand exactly how you feel. He made a really nice gesture towards you, but then you find out it is the same gesture he makes towards other people, diminishes the specialness. However, as someone who understands, it is also irrational! Why do we think that just because they are kind to other people, we aren't the most special ones in their lives? Can't we accept that they enjoy being kind. Perhaps he brought you the latte, saw your reaction--pleased, happy, glad someone took time out for them and thought of this lady having a bad day/week/year and thought perhaps, based on your reaction, she would also like some kindness. M, I think so many of us here would have the same tune as you running through their heads and I wonder if it is because we are still a bit insecure in our new relationships. Because it seems a bit selfish of us to not want our H's to spread kindness to other people.
If you are correct that he didn't bring it up because he wasn't sure how you would react, chances are he was wise not to do so! He perhaps sees that you are still fragile in the security of your M and does not want to say anything that could tip the balance of happiness. I doubt it was a conscious choice, just some firing in the back of his brain, some type of instinct.
But, I think when we recognize we are being a bit irrational, that is the first step in figuring out why and solving it. How? No clue in the world! I know I'm completely irrational about my Ils and BIL and SIL, but don't know how to figure it out. And if poor H says one nice thing about them, my mind does tons of jumps and leaps to how he is thinking and doesn't care about me.
I think this is just another part in the struggle/journey towards peace and acceptance in ourselves and our partners. Be glad that he is a kind and caring man. Your children will see that and that is a model they will have in their life.
I hope some of this rambling made sense. No answers, just think you are human like the rest of us!
