Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Hi everyone - Thank you, Jackie. I know what you mean about waiting for him to bolt and feeling afraid when he is quiet. I think it will just take time to get out of that mode.

Having a yucky day today. I need some help with this one - probably need some 2x4's. Just feel like I need to get this out before I really screw things up.

Yesterday, H brought a latte up to my work. He had come back to look up his schedule (we work in the same place). It felt so good to feel like I was special, and to feel he was thinking of me. Everyone at work said how sweet he seemed over and over.

Well, this morning, when we took the children to school, the director came out and thanked H for bringing her a latte. I realize that this is no big deal at all, but I have let it hurt my feelings. Instead of seeing it as my H being thoughtful and kind, I am feeling like I am just one of the girls, that what he did for me wasn't that special after all. This woman has been having a very hard time, and it was a kind thing to do - I am embarrassed to even write this.

I guess I just felt cherished yesterday, and today, I don't feel so cherished after all.

I managed to act mostly like nothing was wrong, but I know my H could tell something was up when he dropped me off.I lied and said I was tired (I am, but that's not what's wrong). Good grief - I sound pathetic.

It's not that I mind that he got a latte for her too - I just want to feel like I'm special to him, and that he chooses me, wants to be with me, likes me best. My H would see it that I am being jealous, but this is not how I feel - I just feel less special than I did yesterday.

This is the kind of situation that was one of the main problems before the bomb. H seeing me as being jealous, and me just feeling like I wasn't good enough.

My plan is just to get myself together and act as if I'm fine this afternoon. To not mention it at all, as I am not sure we could discuss it without an argument.

I find myself, on days like this wondering if we've really made that much progress.


Thanks for letting me get this out. Off to dry my tears and get to work - I'm already running late. Sorry for such a down post.