The first thing I think of is that your wife doesn't appreciate how much good she has. I mean, it is certainly of importance that she is missing some things that are obviously very important to her, and she deserves to have those issues addressed. But dumping the whole marriage?
I say this because I have seen our marriage in situations where the things she complains of are the smallest of things, and where the positives you have - enjoying each other's company, sex, affection - just aren't there. You seem to have all the components of a beautiful marriage, just requires some assembly.
I wish I could help you with your questions. I understand your dilemma...DBing, especially the 180, seems to focus a lot on not pursuing. Your wife's complaint, it seems, is that she WANTS to be pursued more.
Still, the GAL seems to be working for you. Maybe you should just stop pursuing the issue of marriage. Don't bring the subject up. And do the things she has been wanting, but in doing so, DON'T seek her approval or appreciation, and DON'T try to apply it to the question of whether your marriage should contiue. Most of all, in doing these things (setting dates, etc.), learn to enjoy them, so that you are doing them for yourself, rather than to please her.
I will warn you, I am not a veteran DBer, so you might want to check this against someone who really knows the stuff first.
My best to you. Hope your marriage comes back better than before.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
