HI Mockers! For some reason it feels good to know we are normal in that we all have these down feelings even thought there are lots who would kill to be reconciled or working on OR. Sounds like a few of us that have reconciled have put our own feelings off to the side in order to DB and when we get closer to our spouse we have to somehow work through the hurt of the lies and bad behavior and trying to ignore it to get to a higher place still hurts our self esteem I think. Ignore is a bad work- FORGIVE. Just the feeling of rejection makes us wonder what is wrong with me? I struggle a lot too and have never been so down on myself until this happened. I think somehow we have to get over it and it CANT be at the risk of sabotaging our own happiness. We cant punish ourselves. Somehow we let ourselves off the hook for keeping track of the hurt and what our response "should" be. Well, it is not our fault that our S decided to have an A. I didnt cause that. He chose to do and as he says, has to live with that for the rest of his life. I see myself doing it- I get upset that he doesnt feel "sorry" enough, I put a wedge between us, I feel worse and get thankful we are together and hope I didnt hurt our new fragile R!!!! What are some things that help? for me it is: doing things I want to do , becoming more independant by focusing on my wants. Like going for a run if I want or taking a bath if I want and trying to nicely voice things that bother me or opening up a little when I am upset. I dont know if these are all that good! but I would love to hear about other ways to fight off the destruction of making ourselves feel bad because we choose to forgive. Or try our best to !!! I love hearing about your sitch and the good things that H does or says. My H sent me flowers for V-day!! and a virtual flower too. Shay
