You sound like you have a much more healthy, balanced attitude about this all now, G/B.
I know you still have a tough road ahead of you, but I also think you've come a long way.
Starsky
agreed^^^... GB, I really support your efforts to be happy as a man in your marriage. You deserve this. It kills me to see good men, esp military men (sore spot based on my being a veteran & having 3 military brothers) getting walked on... Not saying she is now, but in the past...
So I hope you know that you don't NEED Her to be happy or loved. When you know this through and through,
I think it'll show. (and I know I'll feel better )
carry on!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
After much red tape I finally got her an appointment to see the doc. Hopefully she'll be able to shed some light on what is going on.
As for us things have been going real well. There has been mo mention of an open marriage in months. Then again ever since this prolonged period started she's been pretty asexual. Which makes me wonder what will happen once she is finally willing to have sex again. Will we move start working on us or will all the shenanigans start again.
Something tells me I need to be ready and at least expect her to test the boundaries of our relationship. I tried bringing up PM twice but she keeps saying she's either A. Too stressed with all the uncertainty from the move or B. She doesn't like discussing sex things while on her period.
Well in good news we now have a place to live. We move in on Friday. Last Sunday I played cards with the locals the language barrier was tough but I made it happen. Also we have been sightseeing a lot which is always fun. Ran 3 miles yesterday to get climatized, and I start my new job as soon as I get done inprocessing.
We fight very little, and make sure we apologize and make up when we lose our temper.
If only we could fix our sex life things would be perfect. I know I seem fixated on this but it's the last thing we need to fully make this relationship work. It seems that everything else is going well.
...As for us things have been going real well. There has been mo mention of an open marriage in months.
...Will we ... start working on us or will all the shenanigans start again.
Something tells me I need to be ready and at least expect her to test the boundaries of our relationship.
....I tried bringing up PM twice but she keeps saying she's either A. Too stressed with all the uncertainty from the move or B. She doesn't like discussing sex things while on her period.
...Last Sunday I played cards with the locals ....3 miles yesterday
....If only we could fix our sex life things would be perfect.
A few thoughts. First I am glad that you feel things are going well. You deserve some good times, as does your wife.
Yes, she will test you, it is part of the process. What you need to do is be firm with her, but not get into a fight. You are not her father, she is responsible for her own actions as an adult. Keep repeating those words. ...And remember her outbreaks of anger are probably not even directed at you or what you have done.
Listen to your wife and give her the benefit of the doubt regarding PM. She actually might be too stressed. I know a lot of people who don't handle new surrounding well while traveling or until they get use to a place and a routine. She also may (and probably should be stressed out over an extended period). Again, I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
Remember you can't change her, only she can change herself. You can offer opportunities and support actions on her part. She needs to want to do the PM reading and thinking what it means. It is something she needs to want to do. If she looses interest in it, try something else, like 5LL or some of MWD's SSM exercises.
Your GAL is very very important. Never give it up. So when are you going to sign up for a triathlon? Have you worked with her on any king of GAL for her?
As an unconditional love kind of guy, if it were me, I would tell my wife that if the two of you could resume a nurturing sex life, that you think the marriage would be headed in the right direction. I would also thank her for all that she has gone through to change the situation. Whether you believe it or not, she is changing.
Good luck to you. Thank you for your service to this country.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
So she has been on a continous period forever. Apparently there are different levels of it. She has been complaining about it hitting her extra hard for the last day or two. Her temper has been quicker than usual too. Well today she went ballistic.
Driving in this country is a pain. The locals are jerks and having 2 to 3 near misses is common here. It really is third world driving. Yet she expects me to drive like in the states it's quite frustrating as she freaks out about everything. Well today we had a near miss while i was trying to make a u turn. She freaked out and regressed into full WAW mode. Which she has been in the last 30 mins or so. I'm giving her time to cool down. Yet she has said some pretty mean things I'm going to expect a full apology. Not trying to be a jerk but I can't have her yelling at me for what is "normal" driving around here.
I mean it's to the point where having her in the car is a total pain since she freaks out about everything. I tried explaining it's how you drive around here, and she has seen the locals do it, yet totally expects me to not drive like that. Things like turning on a center lane on a green light are merely impossible unless you go as soon as an opening arises. Pretty frustrating, heck I myself hate driving here, it's very stressful. I don't need her yelling at me everytime something minor happens. I really hope she realizes soon for both our sakes that this is the way it needs to be.
Hehe Just reread my post i guess I'm a little angry too. Better check myself before I make things worse. I have to say though that I will be going semi dark until she comes and apologizes for throwing the D word around.
I know she is frustrated, it's scary the way the locals drive, and her body is not helping her much. I just don't want her flinging the D word like it's nothing. It's disrespectful, hurtful, and I know she does it to "punish" me. Worst of all I think that using the D word all these years as a verbal punishment greatly contributed to getting her to the point where she went WAW.
Desperately want to be loving again but I need to hold firm or we will fall into our old pattern of verbal abuse.
Ok so she brougt me a plate of bear shaped cookies. Love language, acts of selfless service. I know from the past this is a form of apology for her. Debating whether I should accept it and let it go. I am still a little hurt.
Ok so she brougt me a plate of bear shaped cookies. Love language, acts of selfless service. I know from the past this is a form of apology for her. Debating whether I should accept it and let it go. I am still a little hurt.
I'd do neither. I'd wink at her, grin, and say "Cookies are always great; apology accepted. Now what do you want to do today?"
Be strong, confident, lighthearted, but with an air of "yeah, who-you-kiddin', we both know you were wrong here."
Definitely need to be strong and confident, but she needs to understand that exploding at the drop of a hat is no way to resolve conflict. I promised myself I wouldnt let her do that to me anymore. I know she does it because she feels its the only way I'll understand. Really though it's far from the truth.
We need to move back to catching more flies with honey than vinegar.
Definitely need to be strong and confident, but she needs to understand that exploding at the drop of a hat is no way to resolve conflict. I promised myself I wouldnt let her do that to me anymore. I know she does it because she feels its the only way I'll understand. Really though it's far from the truth.
We need to move back to catching more flies with honey than vinegar.
I'm trying to get you to learn to operate in a less passive-aggressive mode, careening from kissing her ass to suddenly standing up sternly to her. Not saying that there's not a time and a place for both of those -- there is -- but a man who learns to operate much of his time in the middle, with a steady, strong, confident sense of humor, is very attractive.
I think I've been there lately... I think. It's just today she was extra explosive so I felt that it required extra attention on my part. Although I have to admit that still being mad after her bringing me cookies is a way of being passive aggressive. I'm glad I dropped that and moved on. She did blow up on me one more time tonight. Like you said just letting them slide, and keeping my head up. Once we both clear up and we overcome this "low" I'll discuss how getting yelled at is no way to get her point across.
) 