Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=Dawn of Hope]MMF, I'm delighted to see another one who is determined to hold to his vows until parted by death. There are so few of us, it seems sometimes, and even when you firmly believe that it's what God wants, it gets tiring to hold out against all the people who think you should "move on" and give up on your S after a certain period of time or sequence of events. Do you read the "Charlyne Cares" devotionals? They have really helped me stand strong.

It's approaching 4 years for me, and about 2-1/2 since my H moved out. No legal action has been taken, so we are still M, although you would never know it by the circumstances. No noteworthy signs of R that I can see, but I don't expect God to keep me informed about everything that's going on on the other side of the mountain. I have a lot of trouble hearing God's voice, and I can't say I have received a personal promise from God, but I believe that even if I knew for sure there would not be a reconciliation, God would still want me to stand.

Not sure what that^^^ means, given that you say you can't forgive. I mean, that is being STUCK more than anything else, isn't it?

have you gone to a priest/minister about learning to forgive? FYI, I was not raised seeing forgiveness. My parents yelled and my dad got louder and then they'd both retreat...

Forgiveness for me, was a process and it's a learned skill. I simply did not know how to do it.

But I learned a lot about it.

I posted to Denver about in a thread of his that I added the words "a glimpse of forgiveness"to, the other day.

It might help you although it's based on a 4 day trip I took with my h back when a divorce seemed likely.

i didn't want to go, let alone with our daughters. Seemed awkward and "rewarding" to h just weeks before he was to leave. But I shelved the pain and anger and my lack of forgiveness so the girls could have one last good vacation as a family.

I figured for FOUR DAYS, I could be "Saint 25"...no way was I going to be the one to blow it...I could always "resume the position of anger" later on...(the fact that it was temporary for me is what made it possible, I'm sure...)

so later on when the trip was over and we'd had such a good time, I had really learned a lot...see the post if you want more info. I think it was a miracle really.

That meant temporarily seeing h as positively as possible, or at least not negatively.

& it changed the way I began to see h, (& he relaxed a lot too) and I was eventually able to stay in the present and let go of the past. Instead, seeing it as "from this day forward."

In fact,

by forcing yourself to stay in the "now", you eventually crowd out the ability to live in the past and as a result, you let it go.

Being in the now, really helped my happiness level.

It's a KEY part of forgiveness,

and it has nothing to do with condoning behavior.


Hope that helps, even if not all applicable.




I suspect that one of the big roadblocks to R in my M is me, because I am completely stuck in unforgiveness, and I have no idea what I have to do to be able to forgive. I know it's essential, and I want to be able to let go, but I don't know how. I've tried everything I can think of on my own, but it hasn't really improved for a couple of years.


What have you tried?

At one point I began to say out loud, while jogging or in the shower, "God, i hand my pain/anger over to you" (Cause it's too much for me)...
AND OR,

"God I hand my m over to you" I would say it before h would call or visit.
It helped me not lose it in front of him. Sometimes I said it 50 times out loud and as gimmicky as it sounds, thinking it, saying it, and hearing it all

DOES help it sink in more...

And that was a start.


because it's really all about our happiness, right? Well, no, it's not. It's about our holiness, and about praying our WAS back to a R with God. And then after that, God may bless us with a restored M, but that's the fruit, not the root.


Maybe I'm off here, and don't want to argue your faith b/c I am a believer myself. I thank God for where I am today and where I've been.

But I know God wants us to be happy here on earth. Not at all costs OR in the wrong ways....There may be tests for us. But we're not here to suffer through it all and hope for the best.

(At least, not to my way of thinking). I know God wants me to be happy BUT

doing what is right morally, IS what would make me happy.

So Maybe it's semantics, but I think Needless suffering is...worse than needless. Regardless...

I think Starsky's question is whether you have any boundaries b/c

unlike you

there are those who are in abusive relationships here, and some of them

cling to spouse BUT they misuse their religion as an excuse for putting themselves AND their children at risk

( so that they, the LBSer doesn't ever work on changing themselves, and while they are standing still and not changing, (b/c they are RIGHT)

they call it 'Standing" for their m ) and

they are so terrifed/angry/stubborn about changing themselves (or needing to be RIGHT)

and or

they are so afraid of being on their own,

that they won't protect their kids OR take a stand against violence.

It always strikes me as odd/ironic to use God as a reason for that kind of hell on earth.

I saw it growing up, so I am sensitive to it.

But Dawn, don't get me wrong.

I only say this as a message to those who might misinterpret your ways. I've been trying to help 2 people here but it's a brick wall b/c they use scripture to ignore what they're putting their children through

never mind the venegful nature of their wishes, or their refusan to accept ANY responsibility for their m problems...

(I may refer you to them if you are interested??)

You sound as if your priorities are handled in that your kids are not in danger and

you sound fine with possibly being single the rest of your life, b/c

you said that even if God were to tell you there is no reconciliation in his plan,

If I understand what you said correctly,

you'd still stand... I don't "get that"

BUT let's be clear, I ACCEPT IT.

Cheers!