I am the devil....

[AJM]

Nor should you respond. She is putting the kids in the middle of things. Getting them to spy on you? Really? That's the lowest of low if you ask me. Mine did same many times. Know what I did? I refused to get involved. I did NOT do the same back. I deliberately decided and executed on the idea that I would NOT put NOR allow my kids in the middle of things. I had to keep things from them to do that. It was worth it and still is.

The woman she is now is believe it or not, just about everything she is accusing me of being.(controlling, manipulative, mean.....) Funny isn't it?

Funny? Nope. Sick. It's called projection in many circles. I call it sick. It's disgusting to treat somebody like that and I suggest you not allow it. The good news is that you see it.

Thanks Antonia. I've missed you bunches. If I don't talk to her when she wants to talk, won't I be perceived as an a$$hole? Won't that just validate what she is doing? I guess the question is, how will I know when to talk to her?

Antonia answered this, but let me reiterate - no it does not and NOR does it matter what her perception is. She's warped in her perception, Tad. You know this.

This is the part I don't understand AJ. If she thinks that I am such a horrible person, why in the world would she want to be my friend? It's funny - one day she wants to be friends and the next day she doesn't. (Only because she says that I don't want to.) Yes, I even get blamed for that. She is one messed up chick.

I think you can answer that, don't you? Let me start the answer: she is warped and doesn't know what's real and what is made up in her head. That's a sad place to be and the sooner you get out of her way the sooner she can figure things out. And the sooner it will stop f**ng with your head. Really. Back off and stop thinking about what she does or doesn't do. Start demanding that you be treated with respect. As a human being. It's time Tad. Demand it by not being part of her life. Demand it by going darker. Become a pool that she throws rocks into. Placid. Ruffled for a second and then it's gone to the dark depths. It's not true and it's not right, so let it sink out of sight.

Let me leave you with this: you got some great advice. Do the little friday gig. It's a perfect way to really get things back on track for you. To focus on other things. We can all point to the "loops" that crop up. We can all point to the other "bad" (is that really true that they were bad? I don't think so; I think they were life events but we'll leave that for now) things that happened at the same time our spouses took a walk on the crazy side. When the crazy train left the station. Hell, I damn near had PTSD from some of the stuff I allowed her to do. Until finally I stopped it. One piece at a time. I started enjoying life and I realized the things I missed becuase I worked at trying to save my marriage. In the end, that time wasn't wasted, but then again it was. Tomorrow is promised to nobody Tad. So live it with dignity, with respect, with happiness and damn it, get a life and enjoy it. She cannot help you nor hinder you unless you let her.

I see a lot more progress in your posts Tad. Keep it up. You've been doing great, and will continue to persevere and do great. I can see that you are a strong person and are greater than the events in your life.

AJ