I think get yourself 2 tickets to enjoy the circus with your D and leave it alone.
You offered, she accepted and then changed her mind. She is working MyK, don't push her. Let her see that you respect her wishes.
I still feel that you can walk away feeling good about it. At least she considered it.
JMO.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Good advice from all. Excellent that you did not make a big deal to her about her changing her mind also. You gotta play it cool, act as if you are indifferent to seeing her or not, even if you are not.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
When i was talking to daughter on sunday, wife asked me if i'd wanted to take some of daughter's stuff back (like her toddler bed, tea table etc) so i can re-decorate her room back to how it was. We spent almost 3 months painting and decorating her room last year. Then wife and her sister cleaned it bare in a day.
Wife was saying this as she did not want daughter to feel that something was missing when she visits me.
As usual i initially tried to dig some deeper meaning into all this. Then i just gave up. Too tired trying to attach meaning to stuff wife says.
Just trying to do some stuff around the house. The backyard garden was beginning to look bad. Thought i'll do some gardening work this weekend.
Visiting daughter this weekend. Something to look forward to i guess.
My family has recently been hounding me to visit them during winter. I have half a mind of whether to visit or not.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
It feels weird, but W and I did not have a nasty discussion in a month now. Most talks have been pleasant.
I guess we are finally settling in our places. Hurts to know that. Another factor being that our D talk seems to be on hold right now. First it was W's L going on vacation. And now its my L who is on vacation. Not sure sure if these talks will come up after my L gets back. Last time i heard we were expecting W to send back revised D decree. Not heard anything since then.
I guess one thing i did to reduce my stress is push out my exam i had scheduled for august, to september. Gives me more time to prepare.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I guess we are finally settling in our places. Hurts to know that.
MyK, you don't know that for sure. A guess is exactly what it is.
As I mentioned before, your W is working. Don't get caught up thinking she is settling in her place. She feels comfortable talking to you. That's a good thing my friend. Just take that as a positive and keeping moving forward. It seems to be working.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
It feels weird, but W and I did not have a nasty discussion in a month now. Most talks have been pleasant.
I guess we are finally settling in our places. Hurts to know that.
You can't go from hate to love overnight. Hate to "not hate" is a perfectly good first step. Keep working on making each interaction as positive as possible. You want some doubt to creep slowly into her mind.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
LITB, SF thanks for your feedback. Really appreciate it !
BITS need some feedback....or some 2x4's i guess
So it was 3~4 weeks back on a weekend we had this long R talk(i talked about it here on these forums). I started it. And yea we talked and talked. I got carried away and started talking on how i am now learning about boundaries.
It's funny as in how many people get 'boundaries' wrong. They think boundaries are some kind restrictions you place on others. Thats how my W thought too. Then i told her that boundaries to me meant that i let myself get depressed and down when she crossed some of them because i was passive aggressive, rather than talking it out with her. So i told her as to how, now I am more assertive and not being passive aggressive and how it was helping me. Then she says... "Yup, i had my boundaries too and you crossed them multiple times when i told you to be happy with what you had. But you chose to just get depressed and radiated it out which affected our family. That is when i decided to file for D because you crossed my boundaries"
That convo from her just took the wind out of me. I never looked at it that way. She actually used my whole 'look at me i am getting better with boundaries' stuff back on me
But on a more serious note, on multiple occasions i told her that her not being able to reconcile with my family was eating me up inside. But she just kept saying as how i must just accept things as they are for now.
I guess the question is: My W explanation of her boundary and her needing to file for D because i crossed it was correct, right?
I guess the 2x4 would be... "Stop digging your brain about old stuff!!"
Thanks!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
