so much to respond to here.............and really grateful for all of the advice (all of it)

and will so respond, as i understand that nothing has been said out of malice or whatever........BUT

i do want to thank denver for riding in on his off -white horse.

sometimes you do need a hug

i did

and that's not to say that i should not have received 2 by 4's from anyone else, as that is why we post...is it not?

to get honest, objective opinions and just maybe another way of thinking

and i don't always need to beat myself up

sometimes i just have to realize what i did and move on

i don't think it is an excuse to say i am only human

i think it is the truth

that being said, i can do better and i will

so thank you all, and honestly, if it was denvers intent to coddle just a bit, i don't see the harm in that

at times we all need that

and ian, thank you, yes, i am usually very, very strong........but there is so much weight on my shoulders right now, i seem to be slipping a bit

huggs to everyone and i hope you are all ok

BITS