Another dip in the pma last night. Our older child is asking only for her daddy again, and saying very directly (that she doesn't want me. H thinks it's just a phase, but I wonder sometimes. A friend of mine at works says it shows she is really secure in my love for her and that she's attached to me. Lately I've been letting it go, but last night it just hurt.

I realized last night that it's similar to the feelings I've had before of not being good enough, fear of being left behind/not loved. It's something I have to deal with, as I don't want it to affect my R with her or with my H.

I had been trying to keep my feelings about this from H, but last night he heard me crying. He was very supportive, but I know it is not what he needs right now as things are getting tougher at this point in dealing with his father's death.

Sorry for such a sad sack post - just need to get this out here, so I can move past it for now. This a.m. went well. I acted as if I was the grown up and that I know she loves me, etc. Listened to my H without offering my opinion - maybe I offered one , but I didn't interrupt, which is good.

Positives:
1. H and I have the day off together tomorrow.
2. H has called me the last two days to thank me for his lunch.
3. We have another date next week.

Hope all of you have a good weekend. I'll be saying prayers and keeping you in my thoughts.

Mockers2 "Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche