I am so lost... someone PLEASE help me! 4

[Johnnieno1]

Well, I am feeling very lonely today. I can't get the thoughts of my W out of my mind.

She is going away this weekend to somethingfest.. She will be leaving tomorrow (Friday) afternoon and coming home maybe Sunday afternoon. Even though she has told me that she is camping with her friends, I still can't help but not believe her. I have the fear that she will be spending her time with OM. I wish she would just adress her feelings about her A and make a decision either for or against our M. Even though I am GALing, she still crosses my mind very very often. I am trying to use the mental stop sign to force those thought of her and him out, but, they are very persistent, and give me a lot of jeolousy.

I guess the one thing this whole sitch has taught me is that my love for her runs VERY VERY deep. I am focussing on keeping the changes going, it really pretty easy, because I have been doing them for so long now. I know that this process is a long term plan. I feel like I am getting more perspective everyday. I just wish she would start to show some signs of "waking up". I have put everything I can remember that I can into effect of the me she fell in love with the first time (with the exception of the mind blowing s-x). What I would give to have that back.

On Saturday to keep myself busy, I am going to rearrange my (formerly our) bedroom to how it was when we were happier. Remember change is good right.

I feel like I Am in a rut right now. I want to make more changes, but, I also don't want to make too many that I won't be able to keep up with them.

I was wondering if anyone could give me a good recommendation on a book about improving communication for married couples. I know that communication, time for each other, electronic distractions (her blackberry texting, and my TV watching and now iPad reading and forum updating) as well as life stresses and children rearing, have all contributed to our long brewing disconnection. My thought is that if I can show my wife that I recognize and am willing to work on those issues, it would become a strength for me (something I have been wanting to change) and would be another 180. It would also help us to communicate better which would be more attractive to her. I do recognize that this is tricky though, because if not done right goes against DB. So sone guidance here would be helpful.

Thanks all

I am GALing, on Friday my son and I are spending the day with my Dad. Then Friday night we are going to my brothers house for his birthday. On Saturday, we will go to church, and after my nephew will come over for a sleepover with my son (he is so lonely, he would never admit how much he misses his sisters).