Forgetting those things which are behind......

[imalright]

Mockers,

Miss you, but it's great to hear that you're doing fine!

I also heard those words from my H that he wanted us to be friends and seemed worried about whether we would, strange...

Maybe I should go back and read your threads.

Thanks for keeping us up-to-date, we love hearing the "good stuff"

Deb

[Dagny]

Mockers,

It is the conflict-avoiding queen here! And people pleaser, so it is much easier to give out advice and suggested ways of handling incidents than in my own life.

I don't think that we all hover over our Hs with advice/criticism, but I think we do a bit (maybe in our body language) and they are very sensitive to it. I read today in a marriage book that one zinger (dig in Ellie talk) can negate 20 positive statements. I guess that is how powerfully hurtful they can be.

I'm glad everyone is doing well despite the difficult situation. I think about you often.

Jackie

[mockers2]

Thank you Deb and Jackie - Your posts keep me anchored. I appreciate then more than you can know.

Today has been tougher - both for my H and for my MIL. It is hard to see them hurting so much. This is hard on me and I only knew my FIL for about 12 yrs - I can't imagine how they must be feeling.

Deb - I want to catch up with you. Hopefully I'll have a chance today. I miss everyone too. This bb is a real source of support.

Jackie - Maybe we could start a club for conflict avoiding, people-pleasers! What you've said sounds really familiar. I think it's true for everyone that it's easier to see things from the outside - you all have certainly enlightened me more times than I could count.

Thank you again for yuor posts - they brighten up my day.

[Dagny]

Mockers,

It has to be so hard seeing the people you love hurting. I wish I had something to say to help, but I don't know how you can even begin to erase the pain of something like this.

H and I were talking about the zingers erasing 20 nice comments, so he decides to do a little experiment, he starts saying all these nice things, and I know he is kind of joking around, and then he says, your hair is mousy. And I know it was to prove a point, and it did, because I asked him (kidding, sort of), is my hair mousy? Should I color it....and his response was you didn't hear everything else I said, all your remember is the mousy part, and it is so true! So now I think I should be a red head! As soon as I lose 50 pounds. But, it really did bring home the point to me, how powerful one simple (even good intention) comment can outweigh the postivies. Just made me think of hair washing, even if you don't say anything about all the other things he does with the kids, that is the one that will stand out with him. Always learning how my mouth can get me in trouble.

Jackie

[mockers2]

Thank you, Jackie - it helps to hear from you - I see more and more how I could have been coming across to my H - even though I never would have intended to come across as I did. I guess I was thinking I love him so much, he has to see how much.

I am trying to be very careful to be complimentary and thank him for all he does. Some days I feel like such a jerk.

Forgot to post my positives:
1. H and I had a great afternoon together.
2. We have been laughing alot.
3. H is holding my hand all the time in the car now, and continues to open my door for me.

Off to try and be productive for a little while ~

[mockers2]

Good morning - thinking of all of you and saying prayers.

Positives:
1. H has told me several times that I'm wonderful and that he's thankful for me!
2. I am no longer gripped with fear when H's cell phone rings.
3. The thoughts of OW are less and less.

Thank you again for all your support and terriffic posts. Now, again - off to try and be productive

[kml]

I guess I was thinking I love him so much, he has to see how much.

Yeah, I was SHOCKED to discover my H ever felt unloved by me - i mean, I loved him so much, how could he not know? That Love Languages book really explained a lot to me in this regard.

Ellie

[mockers2]

Thanks, Ellie. It's amazing, really, some of the things I'm learning through all this. Really an eye-opener, and a truly humbling experience too. Trying to continue to use the information as motivation for change, instead of more fuel for beating myself up.

One of my goals (in the original set, I think ) was to start a new sport - as I think athletic companionship would really be a strong link in our R and M. I haven't done this yet, but want to - not only for my M, but for me too. I've never thought of myself as athletic, but I enjoy trying and am able to do fairly well. My H, on the other hand, is super athlete - cycling cross country, etc. I really admire how you've taken on challenges (Mt. Whitney,snowboarding)and are enjoying this new facet of your life. It is inspirational for me.

Thank you for stopping by - I value your posts - both here and on other threads.

[Dagny]

Mockers,

Things seem to be going really well. I bet letting go of that fear when the cell phone rings is also spilling over to your behaviors and thoughts. Yeah to putting the OW out with the trash!

Keep listing the positives. Attitude is everything.

Jackie

[mockers2]

Good morning, everyone ~

Posted yesterday, but it disappeared. Not sure why that happens?????

Thank you, Jackie for your constant support. I really appreciate it tremendously. It really may be affecting my behavior for the better. Hopefully it is. It caught me so off guard when I noticed that I am not getting tense or afraid when H's cell phone rings. Also, since my FIL died, the thoughts of the OW are much, much less. This just brought home the point to me that, whatever my circumstances, there are so many many wonderful things for me to spend my time and energy thinking about. Why waste my life reliving the pain?

A little dip in the pma yesterday, but things are better today. Positives:
1. H has been thinking of what to do on our next date.
2. Alot of hand holding, snuggling lately.
3. H has told me a couple of times that he is thankful for me. Talk about an answer to prayer!


Work has kept me off the bb for most of the week and will continue to do so until next week some time. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you, even when I am unable to post much. I learn something new here every day. You are all so terrific!!!! Thank you all for your posts and encouragement. This bb is a blessing.

Here is a copy of a prayer of confession I found in a chapel that I thought some of you may appreciate ~

Lord of the just and unjust, we confess that your ways puzzle us and your commands are difficult. It is not easy to bless those who insult us and to pray for those who abuse us. You summon us to love the ungrateful and the selfish, just as we love those who are kind and generous. This too is a hard demand. In your mercy, God, forgive us. For we have cursed those who have cursed us; we have heaped scorn on the selfish, rather than love. Deliver us from bitterness. Rescue us from resignation. And lift us from despair to hope and trust in your mercy and justce. Amen



Pastoral prayer:

Lord, somehow we always find that your abundant mercy more than meets our need. If we look back on the hard times, we find that you filled our empty lives with grace. We have seen sickness and grief. We have been far from those we love in their time of need, and have been unable to help. {Emphasis mine.} We have endured all kinds of unfortunate circumstances. Because our sorrow grieves you as much at it does us, we know that you seek to strengthen us through hardship. You use the empty place within us as a chalice which you fill not with tears, but with new wine, a renewed sense of joy in life. We offer ourselves now, in silent prayer, to the working of your spirit. Amen.

Both prayers just seemed to what's gone on in my life over the past year. The italicized part above made me think of the part I played in the pre-bomb R.

Take care, everyone ~