Feeling Low

[Johnnieno1]

DG... Give us an update

J

[~¤DG¤~]

There really isn't a whole lot to update about as far as my H goes. I haven't heard anything since my response, but I wasn't anticipating it.

I did send him a text today to let him know he has mail here and to feel free to stop by sometime and get it.

I had a good session with my C today. I think after this month I might cut down to every other week instead of weekly appts with her, as I no longer think I need to go weekly. If something changes I know I can always go back to weekly. I really do like her a lot and she has helped me tremendously. I've been in and out of therapy several times in my life but this is the longest I've ever gone consecutively.
She told me today that she has seen so much growth in me in these past 6 months, and that she doesn't have many clients who are honest with themselves the way I have been. She said she really admires me. That made me feel good.

I do feel good. Better than I have in a very long time.

I am proud to say that I have not done any sort of snooping on my H for a week now and I am so happy that I have stuck with it. Many people on here have said that once they stopped snooping they felt better, and I didn't think that could be possible but they were right. I do feel better.
I don't know...it might be ignorance is bliss perhaps? I prefer to think of it as not wasting my time on things I can't control.

[jbnati]

She told me today that she has seen so much growth in me in these past 6 months, and that she doesn't have many clients who are honest with themselves the way I have been. She said she really admires me. That made me feel good.

It should. You have come a long way in the almost 4 months you've been on these boards.

I do feel good. Better than I have in a very long time.

Excellent! Glad to hear it.

I am proud to say that I have not done any sort of snooping on my H for a week now and I am so happy that I have stuck with it. Many people on here have said that once they stopped snooping they felt better, and I didn't think that could be possible but they were right. I do feel better.
I don't know...it might be ignorance is bliss perhaps? I prefer to think of it as not wasting my time on things I can't control.

Good for you, DG! That's quite an accomplishment! In a short amount of time to boot. You gotta avoid that snooping! It'll kill you!

[KenF]

I am proud to say that I have not done any sort of snooping on my H for a week now and I am so happy that I have stuck with it. Many people on here have said that once they stopped snooping they felt better, and I didn't think that could be possible but they were right. I do feel better.
I don't know...it might be ignorance is bliss perhaps? I prefer to think of it as not wasting my time on things I can't control.

for me, the snooping was an addiction, i obsessed about it, it ate at me until i looked, and i had to go down the list of all the places i could snoop. and then i'd feel horrible about what i found. then i'd feel guilty about looking, knowing i shouldnt be doing it. then it repeated. same process over and over, each step gave me another type of negative feeling.

now is your time to create healthy habits.

keep up the good work.

[~¤DG¤~]

It was/is an obsession for me also. I felt the need to know absolutely everything that H was talking/texting to.

[~¤DG¤~]

Just journaling---

I don't like how my emotions go up and down. I know it's inevitable, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Sometimes I miss him so much, I can barely breathe. I miss the scent of his skin, the way he looked at me, his laugh, his smile, everything.
I try not to think about him too much and sometimes I'm successful, but other times not so much.

Sometimes I am very angry. I'm angry that he walked away even though he promised he never would. I'm angry that he is placing the majority of the blame on me. I'm angry because for the past 6 months I've gotten my sh*t together and he hasn't even made an attempt.
I'm angry that he hasn't contacted my kids. I'm just angry.

25 said to me a while back "become the woman only a fool would leave.". She's right.
I have become that woman. I'll continue to be that woman. And as for my H-he's a fool.

[Chances]

DG
The ups and downs are so tough, I have to agree. Just want to tell you that although in the scope of things you are relatively new to this as well (the boards), I have really learned a lot from your posts and appreciate that you take the time to respond and encourage so often. Reading your posts has given me strength on more than one occasion

Chances

[4betterorworse]

Seriously I think we might be the same person right now. I hate that someone else feels the same way I do, but then I remind myself - well DG is getting through it and so will I. Read my post from last night - I pretty much said the EXACT same thing as you about 25 ..

Hang in there - it can't get any worse for us right? (())

[direction1]

DG- ((hugs)) So many people in pain. Just wanted to assure you that you are not alone and to remind...keep GAL.

Seems as if we really do bleed for one another on here.

PEACE~

[Telemark]

"Sometimes I am very angry. I'm angry that he walked away even though he promised he never would. I'm angry that he is placing the majority of the blame on me. I'm angry because for the past 6 months I've gotten my sh*t together and he hasn't even made an attempt."

Well said. I feel the same way. My W is the female counterpart of your H, except we do not have the child issue to deal with (3 out of 4 kids are on their own; SS21 is still cared for by both of us).

We had an R talk last week. I said, "I could become The Best Husband in the World, and our M could be reborn as The Best M in the World, but all you continue to see are the faults and sins of the past." No matter what we do, our WASs cling to the past like some perverse security blanket.

Their loss, I say.