7 weeks to exH marries OW

[lea74]

Hi all,

Thank you all so much for your advise. Everything you all say is totally true. My head knows that right thing to do but my heart keeps on stopping me.

I have a very good friends who has gone through it all before and she has given me some very good advise.

1. Stop letting xH and OW control me. I give them far too much control over my life and make them (in my own head) so much more important that they are. I am the primary parent and the person who does everything for my sons, so I am the one that should have the control.

2. Get over the fact the xH will be marrying OW and yes she will be part of your children's life. I can either fight this (which is exhausting) or I can accept this. This doesnt mean I have to embrace her as a buddy, or accept as another parent (which she isn't). I need to stop offering them fuel for their fire against me, which just brings them closer together. If they dont have me to discuss and my ways - then what do they have.

3. Stop allowing them to bully me and take back control. Stop being the victim. If you have to fake being happy then do it and eventually it will become reality.

4. Stop giving him the attention he keeps expecting from me via all his texts and emails. (I get approximately 10 a day). I need to only reply to those that are important and relevant to the kids in a courteous manner. He is not a part of life anymore, we are not friends.

So, first step is I sent xH an email regarding some things we have been discussing and actually referred to OW in it. I have never ever done that before. I used her name and thanked her for considering something.

Tomorrow when they come to collect my sons, I will cower behind the door as I always do but will actually say good bye to my sons in front of them and also greet them. (She has advised that I view them as the weekend babysitters which should make it easier.)

Not sure if all this will work, but I cant do with the anger and bitterness anymore. My sons still really struggle going to their dad and I think if I start to embrace it a little more it will be helpful for them. My S11 still cries when he goes which I find so sad and is probably partly because of how I feel about it. So it is time for me to be the parent, suck it up and do what is best for them.

So wish me luck for tomorrow that I will have the courage and conviction to step out of my door and even greet them.

((( ))))