Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Thank you all for your prayers and support - I appreciate them more than you know.

Everyone is really doing well - amazingly well. We know there will continue to be rough patches, and we do miss him terribly - his death affected so many people - he was such a caring man. It is unreal, but understandable how many people loved him. H, the children and I were in a store the other day, and a man came up to my H and said that he had worked with his father, but had heard late about his death. This man said, "he was a good man...a good man." He told us that when he heard, he left work and went home. He cried as he told us this, and had to walk away.....Just a small example of what a precious and gentle spirit he was. Thank you for listening ~

Now to catch up a bit......

Dragonflie - I agree that it seems rude for my H to look around, but I also agree that he is totally unaware as they tend to be.

Holdingon - I think you are right - they do all seems to do it. I've even noticed my own father doing this! Oh my goodness!

Dagny - What a post! You've given me alot to think about. First of all, thank you for your prayers and for checking on us.

You are right - the happy, happy, happy does help in reducing my feelings of resentment and it does seem to boost my pma - "as we think, so we are." (Butchering another quote, I'm sure. ) It is also much better than worried, worried, worried (sometimes I think I am Marlin Why don't you play on the sponge beds? That's where I would play.:D)

I have just finished reading "In the Heart of the World" by Mother Theresa. It describes so well a self-less love and seeing Jesus in the world in "a distressing disguise." This is really helping me in my effort to forgive. Still along way to go, but this is key to the process.

You are right, also, Dagny and Grislen about the hair washing incident. I may have made it sound like I offer advice all the time, but I don't. I rarely say anything at all about childcare issues. And in this case, I was saying it as a way to keep her from crying, which I think was trying to meet one of my needs more than my H's. He often tolerates their crying better than I do. I find myself thinking - less now than in the past - "I'm doing something wrong. There's got to be a better way to do it, so she won't cry so much." It never entered my mind that H was doing it wrong, but I can see now how it could seem that that wass what I was implying. Your posts on this topic have also helped me see somethig that I hadn't been able to see before - how I may have come across as thinking I'm always right. This has been one thing that has been so difficult to understand - how could I have come across to him as thinking I'm always right and as someone with no self confidence at the same time? A no-self-confidence, low self esteem, know-it-all? Now I see how he could have seem me in this way.

Jackie the sleep on it rule is excellent. At least 95% of the time, it is no big deal the next day.

Your suggestion on how to handle the kids being difficult was great - I have a hard time being assertive/proactive without seeming angry.

Ignoring the eye candy thing is the right choice, I think. Act as if if not even important enough for me to notice.

Lee - You are right about the hairwashing thing - see above. It absolutely doesn't matter if the clothes match. Our children have gone to school more than a couple of times in their PJ's. Thank you for a guy's point of view.

Livnlearn - Glad to see my sitch gives you hope. My H did say even right after the bomb that he wanted us to be friends - he even used the word amicable several times (which made me cringe at the time), but our friendship really has held us together through this I think. I want to read your thread as soon as I can. It's good your H seems really happy. Hang in there and be patient with your H. I am glad there seems to be some progress.

Thank you again Dagny and Optimist for your prayers. We will continue to need them, I know.

Positives:
1. H brought me a chai latte this morning (a real treat/pampering idea)
2. H went with me to a doctor's appt. again.
3. I mentioned the possiblity of renewing our vows to my H - came right out before I could stop it - H said he had also thought of doing this. Talk about an answer to prayer.

I am working on catvhing up with everyone. Gone for a few days and goodness gracious! Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers even if I haven't posted.


Thank you all again ~