I was on these forums about 4 years ago because my H left and after 4 months DBing he came home and we have since had another child. I have just discovered a letter on our PC to a W he used to work with and from the wording they have been having a PA for the last 3 years and he is in love with her but doesn't want to leave me because of the kids (his words in the letter). I've shown him what I've found and he stared straight at me and said it isn't true and he hasn't slept with her!?!! What!?!?!? Our children are 6 and 3, I don't work and now what do I do??? I could really do with someone to talk to please
He says no PA, you say letter suggests PA... I feel your pain and don't want to be vulgar, but did the letter really indicate intercourse or similar PA...
Of course, believe nothing of what he says and 50% of what he does...
He indicated in the letter that he does not want to leave you because of the kids. OK, that's a start.
Or maybe is he trying to end the A and that's his excuse to her?
I understand it's hard to talk to him right now and best to take a bit of a breather for you.
But if you've had "the talk"... what is he saying to you? Is he staying with you? Does he know what he wants? Does he still love you (regardless of staying with you because of the kids)...???
Basically, he was at work when I found it and (understandably) I was in tears when he came home. He asked what was wrong and I just gave him the laptop with the letter open on it. He hung his head, put the laptop down and walked off saying he didn't even send it and couldn't remember what was in it. I read the whole thing out to him and he stood with his head on the door frame. He then said "I had booked a romantic meal for us for tomorrow night too" "I haven't slept with her".
In his letter it says "you are the only person I've kissed and made love too in the last 3 years" "I need you like a drug" when questioned about these sentences he said that he's wished he has been with her but that it is all in his head and stated again that he hasn't slept with her. He then said what do you want to do because I deserve it all and I said I don't want to make any rash decisions right now, I'm going to my Mum's (she lives close) and I'll be back to get the kids ready for school in the morning and I left. I've just got back home and he is fast asleep.
He wants me to believe it is all fantasy, except the person is real and before I found the letter on the PC I found a birthday card and Christmas card hidden in his clothes which he says were there because he forgot to throw them away and he couldn't remember when they are from. But then last night when I discovered the letter he has now admitted that he lied and that the cards were from last December.
48 hour response rule?? I don't know if I can go 48 hours - I feel so sick
I'd say you really have to go big on the detach. Whatever it takes. Unfortunately, I have to go to sleep right away for an early morning and it seems rather quiet on the board otherwise.
Is there anyone you can talk to right now? Can you just get out and do something to distract you?
I'm guessing that no one else knows at the moment...
Thank you so much, your advice seems very sensible. I am going to busy myself getting the kids ready for school and preschool first thing and then maybe I'll go back to my Mum's until it is time to collect them as he is not at work today
