I completely disagree that telling someone that they should beat themselves up over a mistake, as sofaraway did, is a good way to communicate what you and Fig are trying to convey.
I completely disagree that saying 'we are only human' is a mere excuse. It is true, we are human. And as I said, there is not one single person on this board that has not made a mistake or felt an emotion due to being 'only human'.
BUT, I agree with you and Fig that we cannot use it to justify repeated mistakes forever.
I guess my main point is that there is a good way to communicate this, as I think you and Fig did... and a way, tough love you may call it, that some people may find hurtful... Some people do not respond well to that... and, worst case scenerio, some people could be driven away from this board. I certainly don't think that is helpful.
All I'm saying...
Denver
Denver, I have always posted the way I do, it is not about tough love for me it is about saying what I believe. Just as people need their hands held sometimes, or their back patted, they also need their butts kicked.
My problem was that everyone was making it acceptable for Grr to take actions that were in the long run much more detrimental to her than any "harsh" words I may use. Grr is not a newcomer. Grr is in a unique relationship that she needs help dealing with. My opinion is that she is too damn smart to make the mistakes that she made and those who support her instead of pulling her up by her bootsraps were instead making cliche excuses for her. "your only human" is an excuse Denver. In your profession, you know that to be true. How about this, I am a defendant in a case and I bring up all my buddies to tell everyone I may have screwed up a bit but it's ok because I am only human? Good enough for you?
The first time I looked at my ex-wifes phone I was being human. The second time I was making a mistake that I had made in the past and that goes well beyond the excuse of being a mere mortal. Part of learning to make ourselves stronger is having people here who are not simply going to coddle us. I guarantee you that Grr was probably upset when she first read my response, may even still be upset with me, who knows. However in the long run Grr will look at what I posted at some point and see that I was spot on and she will beat herself up for some of the mistakes that she made. WE ALL DO IT!!!
One last thing Denver:
Quote:
there is a good way to communicate this, as I think you and Fig did... and a way, tough love you may call it, that some people may find hurtful... Some people do not respond well to that... and, worst case scenerio, some people could be driven away from this board. I certainly don't think that is helpful.
1. There are many good ways to communicate this. 2. Some people find it helpful. 3. I have had over 10,000 posts and as far as I know I have never driven anyone away from here and anyone who knows me will tell you I am a stand up guy. 4. It is not your job to police this, the poster needs to stand up and say if they were offended! 5. Lastly, what you think is helpful may not be right for everyone either, so should you stop posting the way you do????
Grrrr, I want to say one thing to you. I do not post to many people anymore. I posted to you because I have read some of your stuff and seeing this immediately hit me that you may be allowing yourself to fall back to a habit you do not want to get back to. I was not chastising you, only those who should have been helping you learn instead of coddling you. You deserve to not have to hurt anymore and part of how that happens is by taking everything your learning here and using it to prevent backsliding into bad habits. That was my point and I believe from reading your stuff and knowing some background that you are better than that and a much stronger woman than you give yourself credit for.
