Tired

[Lonely Room]

Today was the 4th anniversary of the day my wife and I met.

And I interrupted the no contact period I was following for more than a month.

I was sad, I am a human, I have feelings, and I couldn't let this day pass in blank, because that's not how I was brought-up by my mother. You speak what you feel.

I sent my wife a small email saying that I hope she was well and wishing her a good evening. She didn't get it, because probably she didn't remember it was our anniversary. I send another one explaining it was a special day, that calendars were popping in front of my nose all day.

She replied saying that she got it. I replied saying that I was sorry for confusing her and wishing that she will sleep well.

Against everybody's advice I followed my heart instead of following my reasoning. And you know why? BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN. BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS. BECAUSE I FELL. BECAUSE I'M IN PAIN AND BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE THE SITUATION I'M IN.

In tired. I'm tired of losing weight. I'm tired of not seeing films because I can't see them alone. I'm tired of waking-up at 4am in the morning and not sleeping more. I'm tired of waiting for small signs from my wife. I'm tired of refreshing Facebook, of checking my phone and e-mail account. I'm tired of having hope and of trying to save this marriage.

I am numb. I'm alone and life is meaningless. That's how I feel right now, despite everyone telling me that happiness is right around the corner.

Why?