I am the devil....

[AJM]

Jack's right, Tad. There are those that believe, and those that don't. I think you can point to information on both sides and make a strong argument either way. For Exammple, what if sometbody said that it must be real because everyone uses the same words? (I did read it a few posts back). Does that make it real? Or could it be another reason? Maybe mathematically we are limited the number of words we can use in the English language and similar to the idea that 12 monkeys can eventually bang out Shakespeare (I think I may have worked with that team recently ) it's a matter of time and effort?

I think the fake boobs idea describes it better. I come from L.A. originally, so it hits close to home. The question comes up in conversation all the time: "Those aren't real are they?" (That would be similar to asking if MLC is real). My response? If you can touch them, they are real. If you can't, they may not be.

Know what? Sometimes I can touch them, and sometimes I get my face slapped. Does that make them real or fake?

To answer your question? It's been.... I don't know exactly how long since bomb drop. 2.5 years? 3? How long since before there? Depends whom you ask. I'm not a pro so I'm only going by when I knew which is about 3 years give or take.

In my case, my stbx has been pushing me away and holding onto me at the same time. She is convinced she can control and that we can be friends. The two are related in my case. She is afraid of everything, and worries incessantly about the strangest things from what I can see. Basically, she cannot get any rest, at least where I am concerned no matter how amicable I think I am. She acts like she needs to "win" something although I haven't a clue what that might be.

Has she ever made moves towards me? Was it real moves or fake? She moved back in with me, told me she loved me (I wanted to hear that, but it wasn't her telling the truth I think; looking back her body language and acts didn't match the words. Wasn't what I wanted to hear and I believe I warned you against that happening to you at some point.)

I have no reason any longer to so much as talk to my stbx. She finds reasons to try and suck me in about every 3 weeks or so. Today marks three weeks since last contact. She is accusatory, bitchy, and otherwise still very nasty. Even when it's subtle or otherwise hidden in the words.

For me, I've learned that there will be no talking to this alien for many years. I've said what I'm going to say. Unless I have to answer, I do not. I almost got sucked into being nice and responding today, and just said F**k it. No need to respond. Conversely, if I feel like reponding or telling her to eat a d*** then I do. I'm not the type to talk to people like that generally, but I learned to not hold back what I feel like saying when it comes to her. I have no reason at all to hold back. Nor do I need to talk to her that I can tell.

Is that what you are looking for?

Tad, stop trying to see the future. Stop comparing to the others on the board, know that it is not unusual behavior for the situation and learn to explore what's going on in your life. You have the action plan, and you are still researching, but you are also killing yourself where you shouldn't be. Save that energy. Remember the good times. Remember to take things as they come and learn to focus on those positives. Every day, Tad. They are there. Really.

Let me know if you needed something different from me. I'm a bit sleepy and my fingers are running off at the mouth...

AJ