JS That is a great question about boundaries. I'm still trying to figure it out.
She came over to drop off the keys last night and we talked for an hr. Great conversation. She said she has been thinking about me all week and wanting to text me. She says maybe its because she released some of the shame.. she doesn't know. Idk.
It is very confusing. I'm trying to not attach meaning to anything.. just confused. Mainly because she so definitely expressed that we could not have any kind of relationship, friendship, etc. Too much work. So I feel it's easy to be nice to me when she can handle it, but when the work comes in.. she cowers away.
Boundaries right now are that I'm not initiating any contact with her. She knows I'm there and that I care, its up to her to take that step. No saying it a thousand times, no pressure, no tricking her so she let's me in. and that if she wants any kind of relationship/friendship.. she contacts me or makes an effort. I'm moving on with my life. I expressed that I would like her to be part of it, but she doesn't want to. It's too much work. Therefore I'm done pushing it. I care and I'm nice, but the street has to be two ways
She has not contacted me about rock climbing. I don't know if she will.. I don't know what I'll say if she asks. Part of me wants to validate her effort by hanging out, but part of me doesn't want to assume she is making an effort to be part of my life (ie.. the comment about not caring). She is very wishy washy with what she says. Saturday - she didn't want to have me in her life. Last night - we spoke like our old selves. I guess I'll cross that bridge if/when I get there.
I'm rambling. Point is.. I'm taking small steps. Eventually she will have to make the effort... because what's the point of her being in my life. Relationships take work. Friendships take work. When I have the strength, I will set that boundary. Won't happen today or tomorrow.. but I'll get there.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
