Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Thank you, Holdingon and Optimist. You all make things seem so clear, when to me it all looks fuzzy. A little distance helps, I think.

Holdingon ~ You are right - it is all still new - it's hard to always keep this in mind when in some ways things seem so good between us. When H seems more and more like he's my best friend, it's hard not to fall back into comfort mode and spill all my thoughts/feelings , but I can't let myself do that. (I tend to be a talker when I'm upset.) Come to think of it, maybe this is a mistake I made before - sharing all my fears/thoughts with H. Maybe it's better not to do this ever?????? Maybe there's a happy medium somewhere, eventually.

Keeping myself and my mind occupied is also key - when I have down time, my mind wanders and is filled with bad thoughts/awfulizing. I will check out thise threads you mentioned.

Optimist~ You are right - there are lots of lessons in Nemo. Have to remind myself to keep forgetting and to keep swimming.

Update (get those 2x4's ready ):
I really screwed up yesterday. H went across to the store, and I saw him on his phone, so I called him. I just wanted to tell him that I want him to feel comfortable talking in front of me. Well, it didn't come across that way - it came across as me being suspicious and not trusting him. H was understandably upset with me, but we managed to talk things through and have a good night. I told him that if I thought something was going on, I would ask him, but that I didn't think anything was going on. He said that if anything was going on he would tell me, and that there isn't anything going on right now. Good to hear, but what a bad way to go about hearing it.

H said that one of the reasons he left was that I was always afraid he'd leave . I can understand how this could be frustrating for him. And I don't want to live in fear of him leaving again for the rest of my life. But it seems to me that having lived through him leaving me once, fears that he will leave again are natural. Guess it's OK to have those fears every once in a while, but I have to keep this from him as well. H has to stay faithful to me on his own. I can't control this. Worrying about it can only make things worse for me, for H and for our M. So, how to show him I trust him?

1. No snooping
2. No quizzing
3. Act like I'm fine with no worries when he is working in the same area at work as the former OW
4. Encourage him to have time to himself
5. do not call him at work unless it's child related
6. do not ask H "are you OK?" or "are we OK?" This bugs him.


H also said yesterday that if I'm going to be afraid he'll leave, then he doesn't want a part of a M like that. H feels that we started over and that we've covered these issues in a previous R talk, so we never need to discuss them again. It seems to me that some things may need to be discussed more than once - for clarification????

Positives:
1. H asked me to lunch today.
2. We laughed at lunch.
3. H is having a bad day today, but I acted as if everything is fine. Happy, Happy, Happy, smile, smile, smile.....I did not ask if we were OK. Baby steps.

Thank you for your insight. I appreciate this more than you can know.