1. H has been renting movies for us to watch together 2. H spent time with me yesterday talking about a CD he bought and playing songs from it that he thought I'd like (this is huge - the words to the songs really struck some cords with regards to what has happened in the last year - yes, I did shed a couple of happy tears. And one of the things we really enjoyed early on in our R was music. So his sharing of the CD yesterday really felt affirming.) 3. H has been opening my car door for me pretty consistently - a small thing, but it feels good.
I was reading sage's thread today - good grief, is she something! There are themes there now about crazymaking and this really hit home for me.
Some observations from the last week - every once in a while - maybe every 2 weeks or so - I get the almost uncontrollable urge to snoop. Eachg time I do, I find something that hurts. This last episode, I found a note that was over a year old, most likely from the former OW. And it occurred to me - there is probably alot about this last year that would hurt if I knew it, but it's in the past. My H is showing me that he loves me in so many ways - why dredge up that old stuff, so that I put distance between H and me, and so I am in a fog during the precious time I have to spend with our children.
Mostly just getting this stuff down, so I don't lose the thoughts. Need to work on some goals along these lines.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
