Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[MadeToSucceed]

Thank you dbmod.

I've done exactly that. I've started reading Divorce Remedy and before you even made the suggestion, the Last Resort Technique and the Infidelity sections are the ones I read first.

It's difficult to put some of them into practice since she is in Europe for the remainder of the month so I guess what I struggle with is how and/or when should I attempt to contact her. For example, I've found myself sending her a scripture and/or a prayer with some commentary via text once a day. She has been receptive to it and thanks me for it and has even asked me to continue to pray for her.

Monday evening (July 11th) she messaged me out of the blue with this in a text message:

Can I be honest with you about something? I get frustrated with all of this because I can see you've made a change. And it frustrates me because that's all I ever wanted and now everything seems to passed due. I hate it.. From the weight loss, to closeness to God, to the genuine love I've always wanted. I don't know what I'm trying to say... I just get mad and frustrated about how things play out. Guess that's life.

I basically responded by saying I didn't want to undermine her feelings because I respect them and didn't want her to take any offense to my comments. She said she didn't mind me commenting on what she'd said.

I responded with this in a long text:

There's so much I'd like to discuss with you and pick your brain on but I understand your position. Just like I told you before, I think we both made too many emotionally charged decisions in this whole thing without thinking through their long term impact. And I won't even say you b/c I can't tell you why you've made decisions you have. I can only speak for me. I reacted out of fear throughout this whole thing. I do believe that those decisions aren't ones that can't be overcome but that's just the way I view it b/c I genuinely could care less what anyone thinks. Our lawyers, parents, friends or family. If we're good, the rest will fall into place. I actually keep having this vision of us heading up a marriage ministry at church (or being big parts of it) and having a testimony from all this b/c I just have a vision for how great things can be. Bet we could even write a book and get paid! Lol. The one thing I think I can probably say is that God had to get my attention b/c I was just floating through life. I just sent out my sermon notes from yesterday and there's a part where he talked about getting people out of your ear to hear him and I felt like he was shooting right at me. I think that's what had to happen for me. I listened to so much background noise over the years I lost sight of how things are supposed to be. So he took it all from me. Your website, traveling the world, talking track online, always being on the scene, desires I no longer have (clubbing, drinking, female convos, etc.). Rock bottom so I'd look up. And I did.

In the process of me sending that, she was finding out that the airlines lost her bags so she didn't ever respond to what I said. We went on kinda joking around about her travel situation and just casual small talk that was completely unrelated to our situation. She stopped responding all together eventually so I assumed she was sleep or something. I sent her a message saying I hoped she made it ok to her hotel.

Yesterday morning (Tues, July 12th), she responded saying she got to her hotel and went to sleep right away the night before. That was around 9am my time and I didn't hear from her again all day. Around 5pm my time I realized she was probably getting ready for bed where she is (they are 7 hours ahead of us) and so I thought about one of the things she mentioned she was struggling with and that was motivation. I decided I'd try to give her some comfort in that area but not as it pertained to us but rather to her athletic career. I told her I recognized she put her body through the paces training each day and that by her successes of this season she seemed to be on her way and to know that she was capable of achieving those goals. I sent her a couple scriptures about motivation and some that pertained directly to running.

She thanked me for sending it to her and sent me a smiley face. I told her she didn't have to thank me but that she was welcome all the same. She then responded:

I'm happy to still have my friend. Good night.

I didn't really want to address the friend part because although I'm happy we're somewhat speaking much more pleasantly and we are at least communicating, I didn't want to give confirmation to any idea that I only want us to be friends. I just responded

Good night. Sleep well and peaceful.

That was yesterday around 5pm and I haven't heard from her since.

I'm conflicted because in some ways I see some signs of life there but I also know I can't get too up or too down. I've stopped the "snooping" and I think that has helped my mind be a bit at ease but I guess I just don't know "what to do next." I want to just sit and see if she reaches out to me but it seems like I rarely get communication from her now and when I do, it is typically just short responses to what I've sent her.

So I don't really know how I should operate. In the DR it talks about when you say "I love you" it is counterproductive because your S doesn't respond or gets mad. Well the times I've said it, she responds "I love you too." It's hard to show her I'm GAL when she can't see me. She said she notices changes but that the changes frustrate her. I didn't really full on take the bait and say "well let's be together then!" but I did let her know that I am here and I am understanding of how she feels. Not sure what to do in this instance. Since I'm not checking up on her phone records and things of that sort I don't know if she's communicating with the OM while she is overseas.

Thoughts?