Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

Well his major things were that I made him feel bad about himself and i controlled too much and my mom living with us.

He agreed to have my mom live with us and build on our property.
He wanted our large property and the house we built. In fact he selected the lot and we worked together for the plans etc.
I supported him to create his business and stayed at my job really far away for insurance and a better income. He stopped working on anything around the house unless i had an all out fit. From mowing the grass, caulking the tub I even had to jackhammer concrete that he didnt get to it. So I picked up all of his slack and yes I did complain but he would agree to do something and just never do it. I told him when he chose not to do something it just meant I had to do it. His company wasnt bringing in money and I had requested he look for stable work.
I think all married couples go through things like this.. However now i find out that way before he started telling me he wasnt happy he was going out and lying to me about it.
The bar all the time and then telling me he was working and asking friends to lie for him etc. These things hurt since he may have been cheating and may be with someone now but I have no real evidence. So I will not think about that unless it does hit me in the face otherwise ill go crazy.

Regarding the kids he wants to pick them up in the morning. I am actually late if I have to drop them off since i drive so far to work. So him picking them up and taking them is for both of us I guess. However it was his request to do this so he could see them every day and have his time with them.

The money is all of what he wanted to do. He agreed to pay the house note until the house sells and give me the other money for bills. I cannot afford the house on my salary alone so if he doesnt pay what he agreed to pay then I will lose the house. I know he doesnt want that in fact he wants me to take the proceeds and buy a new house for me and the kids. (his words)

Regarding his bank account for his company I was on his account before he got a partner and i got removed. Then he dropped the partner and he was going to add me to it before all of this. I requested to be put back on there because just like our joint account is both of ours so is his business. He did agree to add me to the account and gave me no complaints but it never happened. Then he told me he wanted a D and I now realize the bank account was a way he thought i would track him. What and who he was doing it with.
My worry is that we dont have $ to get lawyers to create a maintenance type of order legally. If i do that Im worried it will push a D much faster and I want him to put that off as long as possible to give him more time to breathe. He does talk to me about $ and opens up about his company when he does and I just listen. However if he doesnt start giving me the $ I may have to do it to secure what I need.. I will work out to get the checks on my own from now on.. the company doesnt have direct deposit so that doesnt help.. Im trying to be patient and not needy at all!

When I say I get angry I dont ever get angry at the kids or him like you are thinking. I mean my mind runs and I just have to calm down before I can actually think of the proper things to say I guess its all mental for me. He and I were never screamers or fighters we pretty much had a happy marriage and did tons of things together as a family and laughed a lot until recently.(obviously there were issues I didnt see) I do see where our communication stopped I got upset and felt I had the lions share of our family duties and he only had his company.
He felt like he was working for his company and i made him feel bad for not giving his family more.

I dont call or text him at all anymore unless it has to do with the kids or the $ if it is dire. I occasionally talk to him about light things when he is at the house which has gotten better. He will now sit down and look me in the eye and actually chat.

He had someone pressure wash the house today as he said he would do. I made sure to communicate to him how great the house looked and how thankful I was. My friends actually say Im way too nice to him. I used to offer him breakfast or dinner if he was there and it was ready, I no longer do this.
GAL.. Working out is a big one for me. I started going country dancing which I LOVE to do with a group of friends. My friends are all couples and I can dance with their husbands and be worry free of other men. IM actually thinking about taking more lessons and possibly doing a little competition. Im connecting with old friends that I talk to on occasion but now Im actually seeing them.
I started to bartend weddings for a little extra money with my best friend since 6th grade and she and i have a ton of fun.
I have also talked to my boss about making BIG changes to my job. Adding more travel to my work and making my career more in consulting which I was avoiding before.
There are more things I want to do but they will come I feel like I have a very full dance card right now with me and my kids.

I see my H hurt he isnt doing well with his company and he is going out a lot. I always find out on accident by his comments he was out all night drinking but I never acknowledge it to him. As far as he knows I think he was at home all night.. I have also noticed that he has started to fish again which does make me happy for him as we used to do this together.
I realize now that I was not happy in my M and I just stuffed it down and thought it would heal itself. I do still want my family and I understand and see my part in all of this.

I have read the books and had a few sessions with a DB coach. She did get onto me for the same things you pointed out but those are already past... I can only now take it day by day and do my best to stick to the my list from my db coach.

Ive done very well I think in the last 2 weeks considering i was backsliding a lot at first. I dont tell him anything anymore I ask and if he says he will do something I never depend on him..

The only exceptions I am making is for the kids and the $. I feel like if I take the kids when he doesnt show up and I dont throw a fit or complain that is a 180 for me. Plus he has to deal with his own guilt of wanting to take them and asking to be there with them and not getting himself up. My boss is okay with me being late right now he knows what is happening but if that changes i guess Ill have to change my stance..

He is noticing my changes i think by his small positive reactions. (im not getting too excited dont worry) but I have noticed that since Im not focusing on him im less stressed. I just depend on me and I get more done and have more time..

I am focused on a bright future for me and the kids.. The details of that will fall into place..