Positively moving forward

[oldtimer]

It is not your XH's job to work through old problems from an old R that no longer exists. In fact, it is unhealthy and inappropriate for you to continue to go to him to try to work through your problems. Work through your issues with a C, with friends, by yourself, but don't try to get XH to participate in your recovery in a life that he does not wish to share with you.

[awest1217]

Things are fun and good on my front. S and I spent all day at the beach with family and friends on the 4th so that was great. Right now my only issue is I am a full time single mom, and XH has S for 36 hours every other weekend (he isn't trying to get S early eventhough he has off like I do), but when S gets home he is horrible. Yelling at me and throwing fits, when he doesn't normally that. Then it bothers me that I didn't want to D, but I am the one who is a single parent. XH has his parents and brothers who take care of S during the 36 hour period by feeding him or occupying him. Then on top of that now OW is now always around and that bothers me more because XH will never be a single dad and feel the inadequacies I feel. He has so many around to help that S gets spoiled. It bothers me, by one way I have changed is I don't talk to XH at all about it or really at all. When XH might ask a question, rarely, I will answer, but I stay out of everything. XH complained about S being mad and upset before drop off because S said he wasn't hungry then wanted to eat right when it was time go leave so XMIL fed S quickly so they weren't late and S was mad. I stayed out of it and didn't say anything.

I am also a little worried that XH will liv happily ever after and I won't. I mean romantically. I know there is plenty of time and I shouldn't date right now, but it looks bleak.

A funny story. XH took S to an air show and XH told me it would be him, his uncle and S (I never asked who would be going). I find out later S got car sick on the way which happens occasionally. I thought it was in XH's car, but S told me they drove OW's car so I found that cathartic that S threw up all over OW's new car.

Not much going on right now and the summer is winding down. I have a few things to do, but mostly chilling with S and making fun memories.

[BeingMe]

It is good that you don't talk to XH about S. He should work it out himself. As for him going off into the sunset happily ever after ... by the sounds of it, he hasn't changed much, and will probably dump OW shortly. If he doesn't, OW will soon find out what it's like to live with someone so selfish. But, in my opinion, you shouldn't worry about his life anymore. You should have fun now, maybe date some, but don't have too many expectations just yet. One day, a good man will come into your life, and you'll wonder why you were concerned.

Happy summer!

[ClingingToHope]

You are only 29 so there's tons of time for you to find someone.

I know how you feel though. When I thought XW had something going on with motorcycle guy I felt a lot of bitterness. I thought she had jumped into something new and I was trying to find someone, anyone.

The fact motorcycle guy was overplayed in my mind helped. Still, I was upset with myself that I wasn't stronger.

XW also has her mom to help her -- although her mom isn't all that great -- where with me, it's just me. I've found outlets though, places for the girls to go to separate for a while.

It just takes time to find options and a routine.

[awest1217]

CTH, don't get me wrong, I have tons of help. My parents are 0.5 miles away. My brother is 2 miles away and my step-sister is 3 miles away. Plus I have friends everywhere so I have help as needed, but the difference is XH has his help licit with him and never is alone with S. If he goes on a day trip OW goes with them, at home it is his parent's house where they live and so do his brothers so there is always help 24/7. Not help you have to call and ask for.

On the dating, I am happy with my life. S and I have had a routine since about 6 months after XH left so almost 2 years now. I am just noticing that I am missing having a romantic relationship. This is really the first time in over 2 years, but not rushing into anything and still not really looking because I am still nervous. Not rushing anything and just enjoying life.

S and I have kept busy doing this and that. We are having a yard work day today because it will be a cool day. Plus blueberry picking and some church stuff. My pastor is fighting cancer and it isn't looking good (it has been a 4 year fight and now they found it in his brain). Tonight my brother is being voted on as the next pastor and I will be the church secretary on top o being his 2nd right hand person, after my SIL. It is exciting and scary at the same time. More ways I feel "grown up" and older. Not that I am old at all, but one of those moments where I know I am maturing because of what I am doing. Tomorrow is a zoo 2 hours away that is awesome. Then this weekend is supposed to be hot so I will be getting work done at the house while S is gone.

[ClingingToHope]

I think I'm going in opposite directions than you are. I was DESPERATE to find someone a couple of years ago. Now, I wouldn't mind it because it's comfortable to have someone to count on. But I'd hate -- at least right now -- having to weigh the needs of a GF against the needs/wants of my daughters.

My girls are 8 and 12 and they tug me in a lot of different directions. A 3-year-old pretty much enjoys anything, but that will change with time.

Someday, he'll be 6 and he won't want to go to the OP's outing, he'll want to play with legos at home. Then XH will have to make a decision, his wants against her wants.

How big is the town you live in? Smaller towns have limited opportunities. My area is about 350,000 people and I still feel like EVERYONE is married.

[awest1217]

Busy busy world for me the next month. I am always busy when summer winds down because I am getting ready for work to start again and a new Sunday school year starts as well. Also now my B is the new pastor of our church which is awesome, but also gives me a lot more responsibility. Also the resale we do through the church is the weekend after school starts so I am busy with that because SIL and B are leaving for vacation so I am finishing stuff for her. Let's see what else...I think that is about it. I am not complanning. Just busy, which can be a good thing.

S is good. He has major issues every time he comes home from XH, but I am just working through it and trying to let S know it is unacceptable and trying to get him to talk to me about what is bothering him, but he is 3. He is just very defiant and rude. Yelling at me, pouting, throwing huge fits, but then about 5 days later he is better. He still does some of that stuff, but not as bad or extreme or at regularly.

Last update, I have decided to sell my engagement/wedding ring and use the money to take S on a vacation to Disney. I am excited!

[BeingMe]

I have decided to sell my engagement/wedding ring and use the money to take S on a vacation to Disney. I am excited!

Wow! Such a good idea.

[mishka422]

GREAT IDEA!!! If only my wedding rings were worth that much!! LOL

[ClingingToHope]

That's why I was insistent I get my rings back. They were my grandmother's wedding rings and I didn't want her selling them.