I am the devil....

[Queen_of_Swords]

Holy Dinah!
She's says she's not MLC, but that's all I see Tad.
A conflicted mess of a woman, that sees D as an escape, and you as a villian ( you are not btw, you're just human and made mistakes).

She is so NOT done with you IMVHO. There is too much anger in her for you for her to be done with you.

She has a lot of work to do if she ever wants to be emotionally healthy and peaceful in her life.
That however, is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

Let her go Tad, insulate yourself, grow your ability to set good boundaries,and create your own peace, happiness, and contentment.

She may come back one day but that day is not now. She's still peddling furiously, not realising all roads lead back to her.

[AJM]

Keep in mind Tad, this is how she "feels". That's not the same as truth. Figure out what is real and what isn't if you can, and leave the rest on the ground.

For example:

Accused me of controlling every situation

Said I had two chances to convince her to stay but I blew them

Said she doesn't know me anymore

Really? So although she doesn't know you, she does think you are controlling, brainwashing, etc.? I think you picked up on the conflict, no? You started to in some of your retelling...

Does it hurt? Yes. But likely only because you are upset that you did not get the wake up call you were hoping for. You won't. You cannot guess if she is done or not either. I read much into what she said (via your retelling) that tells me she is just as confused as before.

She'll never trust somebody again yet she needs somebody in her life? Really. Huh. Does that make sense to you Tad? I doubt it.

That said, you cannot guess what or when she will be feeling anything. Stop trying to do that and focus on you. My guess is that she does see the changes because accused you of that later when she said you changed too little too late.

I point that out because it means you may want to consider staying the course, no?

For what it's worth, I think we've all heard the same from our spouses. Some of them verbatim. You are not alone amigo.

The accusations are not about you, Tad. Much of that is projection from what I saw. Some is likely based on valid stuff and all of it simply how she feels. Shake it off as such.

Oh. The friends question? I think you are looking at it backwards. You think the friends influenced her decision? How about another perspective? This clue-by-four is given out of loving kindness: what if she sought out friends that would give her that advice instead of having friends first who happened to give out the advice? Perhaps several old friends said something different and were summarily excused? Just making sure you realize you cannot figure out what you are seeing like that. You don't have the information my friend.

AJ

[Cadet]

Everything she wrote was exactly almost word for word out of the MLC playbook.

I can only find fault with you for one thing (other than spending 3 hours talking)

M: I'm not asking you to not file a divorce or to come home. I'm just asking you to put it off for a while.

You are begging and pleading here.
Do you see that?

Your best bet is to go as DARK as possible.

There is not much else that you can DO.

She is DEEP in replay and nothing else will make any sense.

[tadpole1025]

Thank you SC, AJ and Cadet. A few things I forgot to mention:

She said that she has been mentally divorcing me for 5 years

Told me in December that she hired an expensive attorney. Last night she said that she doesn't have one.

Said that she told her sister and sister-in-law for years how unhappy she was. (Seems to me that I should have been told.)

Was upset because my FB status says "seperated." Why is she upset? It is truth.

Told me that filing for D cost her a thousand dollars. A couple of months ago, she said 4 thousand.

There is more. I will post as I remember it.

SC, you said:

She is so NOT done with you IMVHO. There is too much anger in her for you for her to be done with you.

Is this good?

AJ:

Keep in mind Tad, this is how she "feels". That's not the same as truth. Figure out what is real and what isn't if you can, and leave the rest on the ground.

It is her truth though isn't it? I just can't believe the coldness and anger coming from her.

She'll never trust somebody again yet she needs somebody in her life? Really. Huh. Does that make sense to you Tad? I doubt it.

Not at all.

That said, you cannot guess what or when she will be feeling anything. Stop trying to do that and focus on you. My guess is that she does see the changes because accused you of that later when she said you changed too little too late.

I point that out because it means you may want to consider staying the course, no?

I want to stay the course. There is nothing I want more. This just hurts terribly. Like I said, I just can't get over the hate and anger towards me.

Much of that is projection from what I saw.

Oh yeah. Projection for sure.

The friends question? I think you are looking at it backwards. You think the friends influenced her decision? How about another perspective? This clue-by-four is given out of loving kindness: what if she sought out friends that would give her that advice instead of having friends first who happened to give out the advice? Perhaps several old friends said something different and were summarily excused? Just making sure you realize you cannot figure out what you are seeing like that. You don't have the information my friend.

I see your point. I guess it is very possible. It is so like her to seek out people that will just tell her what she wants to hear.

Cadet:

You are begging and pleading here.
Do you see that?

Your best bet is to go as DARK as possible.

There is not much else that you can DO.

She is DEEP in replay and nothing else will make any sense.

I see that. To be honest though, how much darker can I go? If I go dark and am friendly and nice when we do talk and go along with everything, won't that make her think that this is okay? It is far from okay.

She sent me a text today giving me an exact address of the place that she wants to meet on Monday. Nothing more. Nothing less. As of right now, I have not responded. Should I?

Today I FINALLY got approved for nutrition assistance. The boys and I will be eating like kings again.

Tomorrow, I go to the IRS because (hard to explain here) I think W may have tried to pull a sneaky trick on me. I have to protect myself.

I can't believe all of the similarities in the different situations on this board. Honestly, it is scary.

My mom told me this morning that I was crazy for still loving her. I can't help it. I love her more than anything. Does that make me crazy? Maybe, but I don't care.

Thanks friends.

Tad

[Queen_of_Swords]

C, you said:

Quote:
She is so NOT done with you IMVHO. There is too much anger in her for you for her to be done with you.


Is this good?

Well if the opposite of love is indifference, yah it's good.
If you're wanting this to be over and able for you to keep on trucking and leave her in the review mirror...not so much.
All depends on your perspective Tad.

[AJM]

Huh. She tried to pull a sneaky trick? That's common, Tad. You do need to protect yourself. Seriously, it's not just for your sake, but it needs to be done. Sooner than later if you can. One of the guys my stbx made friends with (and later tried to date - long story) had a wife that did similar. She later decided she is gay, blamed him, and stole 100k from their savings. He knew better. He's a lawyer, but just to illustrate that you cannot trust her in that sense. She is in bizarro world and will do things to you that she never would have dreamed of before.

Protect.

I don't see a reason to respond Tad. You were not asked a question. Do yourself a favor and leave it alone. When asked a question, answer if you must but otherwise, unless somebody is bleeding from the ears there is no reason to communicate.

You are doing GREAT Tad. It's no fun, but keep on the same path.

AJ

[tadpole1025]

Thanks SC and AJ.

I don't see a reason to respond Tad. You were not asked a question. Do yourself a favor and leave it alone.

You are right. She did not ask a question. Therefore, I did not respond.

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days and even though I may be doing better grief-wise, I think that I am more confused than ever.

I have friends that tell me that MLC is not real. I never believed it really existed until I experienced this mess. Sometimes I wonder though if telling ourselves that it is MLC makes it easier to cope.

AJ, I was looking at your timeline again. Has your W made any movement towards you at all? Just curious.....

I remembered a few things from our conversation the other night. Enjoy:

* She blamed me for the escalation of her R with OM.

* She said that things started to go downhill when we bought our new bed in 2003.

* Says she thinks about what she is doing every waking moment of every day.

* She asked if I was recording our conversation. When I told her no, she said: "I hope not. It is against the law you know?" First, why would she think that I would even do that? Oh yeah, I'm evil. Second, I have spent 23 years on the radio. She knows that I know all of the laws regarding recording someone.

I swear that I am not making this stuff up. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't witnessed it first hand.

It would almost be comical if it didn't hurt so bad.

Thanks!

Tad

[Cadet]

Why do you think we call them aliens?

They are on a spaceship in another world.

She looks like your wife but that is where it ends.

Everything you wrote is standard from the alien handbook.

Let her go!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I have friends that tell me that MLC is not real.

Heck Tad, even roughly half of the professional phychatrists and brain doctors don't ascribe to it. But roughly the other half do.

Easier when there is tangible proof of something.
I can touch, taste, smell, see and even hear at times this apple; therefore as long as I exist...then so must this apple.

MLC...

Do you believe in sanity, as a general rule? Normal people more or less?

Do you believe in insantiy? Crazy people?

If yes to both; is that the only way to define people? No room for anywhere in between?

Too much is unknown about the workings of the brain to be adamant in a belief in it.

I saw my 'sane' wife become a woman she would have despised and claw her way back to 'sane', my opinion and belief is that it exists. See feel...tangible for me.

[MrBond]

MLC is very much a real deal. If it wasn't, how can explain the HUGE amount of similarities between every MLC'er's sitches? From the actions right down to the words they use. It's so similar it's scary.

If a few dozen people had the same symptoms, you'd consider it an epidemic. Irregardless, it's wise to learn not only about what caused the MLC, but how the MLC person is going to react. This way you're not blindsided when something happens. You'll learn how to handle each situation calmly. Be prepared.