J1, I think you are misunderstanding our intentions, or at least my intentions. Posting here and sharing your feelings is not the issue; we all do that. Go back and look at my threads. There have been plenty of times I've just wanted to crawl in a hole and pull the top over me. But...I was able to move forward despite feeling like absolute worthless crap. Backsliding? Yep, still do it. But those times are fewer and fewer.
The concern is that you are stuck, and that, my friend, is the sure path to your own self-destruction. Every minute you dwell on your W, or what she is doing/thinking/feeling, is a minute you are not working on your own mental health and happiness. Re-read gabbysmom23's post above; she defines what an attractive man looks like. Not swaggering macho, but cool confidence. You might be falling apart inside, but don't let it show to your W (or any other woman, or your kids).
This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, I think. It is summoning courage in the face of all of your fears. It is putting one foot in front of the other when all you really want to do is lie down.
We all are living with the very real possibility that our marriages will not survive; that our spouses will continue to walk. Tough stuff to digest every day. My W is constantly on my mind, but I have made a promise to myself to not let that stop me from being a better man than I ever was. If she leaves, I can't - and won't - stop her. Her loss, I say.
Please do not take our responses to your posts as uncaring criticisms. We are a hurting bunch who are trying to look out for each other when it feels like nobody else will. If our words sometimes seem harsh, it is only because we do not want to see anyone who comes here get swallowed up by their own pain.
