I have been keeping my convos to a minimum with her. I have not displayed my hurt to her, when I am in her vicinity, I am upbeat whistling... You get it.
What I share ipon the board is how I am feeling. In the future I will stick to the facts only, and to ask questions.
Yes I am going to get some packing boxes today. And use faiths idea (thanks faith)
My intent is that the boxes will be for her to move out though, not me.
This is my house. I'm not the one who wants to leave the marriage, so why should I leave the house.
J
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
J1, I think you are misunderstanding our intentions, or at least my intentions. Posting here and sharing your feelings is not the issue; we all do that. Go back and look at my threads. There have been plenty of times I've just wanted to crawl in a hole and pull the top over me. But...I was able to move forward despite feeling like absolute worthless crap. Backsliding? Yep, still do it. But those times are fewer and fewer.
The concern is that you are stuck, and that, my friend, is the sure path to your own self-destruction. Every minute you dwell on your W, or what she is doing/thinking/feeling, is a minute you are not working on your own mental health and happiness. Re-read gabbysmom23's post above; she defines what an attractive man looks like. Not swaggering macho, but cool confidence. You might be falling apart inside, but don't let it show to your W (or any other woman, or your kids).
This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, I think. It is summoning courage in the face of all of your fears. It is putting one foot in front of the other when all you really want to do is lie down.
We all are living with the very real possibility that our marriages will not survive; that our spouses will continue to walk. Tough stuff to digest every day. My W is constantly on my mind, but I have made a promise to myself to not let that stop me from being a better man than I ever was. If she leaves, I can't - and won't - stop her. Her loss, I say.
Please do not take our responses to your posts as uncaring criticisms. We are a hurting bunch who are trying to look out for each other when it feels like nobody else will. If our words sometimes seem harsh, it is only because we do not want to see anyone who comes here get swallowed up by their own pain.
Be strong and stay strong.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Is this the question you said was not answered, b/c I was pretty certain I had.
Quote:
I am wondering if a WAW, can be influenced to be a WAW, by someone else's coaching
Yes, I believe another person can be a strong influence on a W who is already having unfulfilled emotional needs which can leave her in a vulnerable place. The friend chats with her, telling her she should do whatever to find happiness.
So, does that answer your question?
The thing is.....it doesn't change things, does it?
I agree with the others. Rememeber what I've told you about a WAW needing to see a man of strength who is able to handle her, among other things.
Every LBS has suffered the diagnosis your doctor gave you! Doctors can give you a name for everything. But, you are wanting to USE YOUR DIAGNOIS to somehow "touch" the heart of your W. It will not work! Get this in your head, she doesn't care! She isn't the girl you M. Stop finding excuses to try to change her and cause her to want you.
You've been given the directions, but you want to do things differently. Please listen to these members who are trying to guide you.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
just to clear something up about giving support to others here.
when i say support, i dont mean giving advice. read others threads, and simply tell them "i'm sorry you're here too, i hope things work for you"
i was terrified to give advice, but i gave support, and later found i had some light advice to offer. now i'm sure people wish i'd go away.
"because I have seen her go from a mature woman into an immature twenty something" -- if this is your attitude towards your W, then she will be able to sense this, and this is not helping you.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
