1. Is there a way you can mourn in private? I know it [censored] to not have your spouse there for this and I think she is being unreasonable. How are you moping? I mean think about it, if you your W was in a funk and moping, would you want to be around her? If you are have problems with your mothers death, have you talked to your IC about it? For me it helps just to have someone to talk to. I talked with the C and she told me not to mourn my mother's death but to celebrate her life during this time. She told me to have the kids color some pictures and bring them to the cemetary. Great advice and I will use it.
2. I'd let her thoughts on her feelings lie. If she is okay with things then you know that her feelings can change. You're right. They did change for the worse so they can change for the better as well.
3. If you found a good MC, it is more important than ever to NOT slack off when things are good. I know the temptation is there, but when things are good is when you have to work just as hard. Or all the work during the not so good times will be for naught. It's good that your W agreed to pick it up again. Our MC is actually her sister's MIL and has known my wife longer than I have. She has helped me a grow a great deal over the last year and she even commented that in the 25 years of experience she's never seen a person do a complete 180 like I have. And I am very proud of that. I have never slacked off in my own personal journey and I'm not aware if I've slacked when things were good but I will pay closer attention to that.
Our C knows my W has her own issues stemming from a horrible upbringing and has asked her to come by herself on a number of occasions. I agree with that and never press the issue but that is my W's decision to go or not and a journey she must take alone.
4. do you guys have alone time for just you two? I think that is very important. if your wife is game there are also some exercises that you 2 can do to help rekindle things. Friendship is an important step, but I think there needs to be some intimacy. Take this for what it's worth, but I would start with some really small things if you want. Like a small touchs, or maybe a hug/kiss every now and then. Go small and go slow. Like flirting with her. if she was someone you were interested in, but didn't know. How would you react to her? She has told me that I am her best friend and I am hers. We would do anything for each other and we both know it. We've been making time for ourselves more lately and do have a weekend getaway planned for the end of the month. Looking back over the last couple of weeks maybe I have backed off the flirting and courting that I have been doing and was working. This is something I need to get back into.
To an extent it is pursuing, but if you and your wife are working on things, I think it's okay. JTB and others can chime in.
You also need to take a hard look at what you want in an M and if your W can provide it. I know what I want and so does she. Can she provide that to me remains to be seen. I guess the only thing I can be thankful for is that time is on my side. I do know that this is a marathon and not a sprint but waiting here in limbo is killing me.
There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path. – Morpheus
