Its my life

[GAL Man]

4) Obviously the situation which the kids find themselves in is very difficult for them, this was evident in the argument which they had a couple of weeks back which I told you about.

S12 said also that he is reluctant to tell you everything as he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. You know what S12 is like, he is a worrier and he actually said to me on a couple of occasions he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. S12 is at an age where he is very impressionable and looks up to his dad (I was like that at his age, he needs this) and wants to do things with me, D14 on the other hand is mature for her age and wants to be with her friends, she shares things and talks to her friends about the situation, S12 doesn’t do this.

When the kids are with me, we do things together, have fun and make us all feel good. When at home they have clear boundaries which they know, I don’t need to go on about them, thus the shouting and arguing is minimal, if any at all. They know the rules of the house and the consequences of not following them. I treat them respectfully of these boundaries and rules and it helps us get on really well. I give them pocket money and money for their cards on a weekly basis, if things aren’t done, or there are argument this value reduces, they know and accept this.

I try and offer some stability during these difficult times for them, and assure them of how much I love them (with actions, not just words, and that book helped with that, that is what it was for!) They then see, not hear.

Both D14 and S12 do not like coming around to you place much, they have both said to me that they feel sorry for you, but want to see you that is why they do go round. Both kids call your place, “Mums flat”, and here “Home”, this is how they feel

Look, I have not said anything to them except what I told you previously after they had the argument. I have reassured them that this is their home and always will be and they are welcome to stay here whenever they like, plus I have told them that they need to see you, as you are their Mum. I have not said anything to you regarding the additional money I have to find to pay for S12 when he is staying here when he should be at yours as I just want the kids to be happy, go where they want to and give them some stability. Money is not important at the moment.

You asked me specifically what you are doing wrong, well I could go on, but I won’t, you should have a good idea of some of the areas. You need to appreciate the situation which they find themselves in. The specific issues S12 has are as follows (sorry, but you asked)

1) Feels left out as you do more with D14 than him
2) Feels D14 has sleepovers and he doesn’t
3) Feels you put D14 first
4) don’t call him as often as D14
5) doesn’t like all the arguing
6) doesn’t like the shouting and swearing etc
7) Gets bored, has nothing to do
8) Does nothing when he is with you
9) Gets banished to the stairs
10) Lies under his bed often
11) Cannot watch tv
12) Wants to be with his dad more (obviously he is at that age where he looks up to his dad)
13) Doesn’t like the way you treat him in general
14) Doesn’t like you throwing in his face to “go to you (insert swear word here) dads then” when arguing