Don't know what's going on with me or in my own head.

Feel this intense antipathy towards my STBX and felt flashes of real hatred for him yesterday.

Is this normal? Is it a subconcious method on my part to steel myself for implementing no contact tomorrow? A way to create mental distance shield myself, so I can be strong enough to dismiss him as irrelevant to my life?

I find myself telling/reminding myself:

How he neglected me and was a non participant in my life and our children's lives.
His chronic ocmplaints of being tired, his apathy and unwillingness to initiate activity.
His cruel silence.
His preference for his addictions over us.
How all of his behaviour could very well be interpreted as cowardice.

I feel like I've stepped into some alternate funhouse reality in a way. Turning off my feelings. From easy to tears to hard and calculating.

BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.