One foot out the door, the other on a rug....

[luvmyhubby]

So he hasnt picked up some checks for the household bills in weeks. He gets one every week for some consulting and he will wait a few weeks and get several. Well 2 weeks in a row he told me he would get them and deposit them and of course he didnt. Now I really need the money for certain bills and he agreed yesterday morning to go get them. Of course at 3:00 they were not in the bank so I sent a text to ask if he had gotten them. 30 minutes later i get a text back that he didnt go into town today so he didnt get them.

I wanted to just call and scream at him.. I need the money to pay the light bill and daycare etc.. So I did call him and ask what happened and he told me some story and then said I could go pick them up so I was silent and he was very angry sounding. I asked him if he was angry with me and he said no other people had made him angry. I agreed to pickup the checks and then we had to meet at the counselor for a family appoinment for my son. He has ADHD and twice a year we have a family session for him.
We met and the session was interesting my H was very quite but she had flash cards with words like sad, angry, tired, happy etc. We had to decide and agree on who fit the description.

For the most part it was easy but when tired came up the kids said dad. Then my D5 said dad sleeps while he is driving.. My H has sleep apnea and works too hard and is now partying very hard. So he falls asleep on the couch or oversleeps to come get them etc.. I didnt say a word we just went on and my H only participated when he was asked a question directly. Actually he looked tired and sad especially when the kids said he was sleeping and driving.
Then the C met with each of us individually and said that since my mom had moved out she noticed an improvement in my S8. Also that we needed to make sure to set better boundaries for our D5.
I thought it was funny I left my phone in the room with my H and kids to play games. The kids told me later that dad took the phone.. I guess to read my text messages. Wasnt anything to read anyway but I thought it was funny.

He came over this morning and was nice. We talked and chatted about little things and he even hired someone to pressure wash the house. BIG deal for him.. I will make sure to thank him for the extra effort..
I fixed breakfast for the kids and didnt offer him any. I usually do but I have stopped doing things like that. He eventually said do you mind if i make myself some breakfast? I said sure.. so he did and stayed a bit longer to eat.

Also he is really having a hard time with money in his business. Im not offering to help him with any $ I want to and usually we would figure things out as a couple.. I guess since he doesnt want that I shouldnt offer to help right? Im assuming that by me suggesting things or offering that I am doing more of the same.

My theory is that if i leave him to figure it out on his own he can take back control he accuses me of taking. Then if he really needs $ he would ask me directly..

Also I think that him not getting the checks is his way of seeking more revenge on me. i have stopped engaging him Even when he gave me papers regarding a divorce i didnt argue or fight i just said okay. They were just papers a lawyer gives you to go over to figure out child support and how to split things up nothing has been filed. I dont complain to him about being late anymore etc really anything .. a huge 180 for me. So my thinking is that this is a way to get that since he has no other way to get that from me now....

So my question is how do I stop this from happening? He says he is giving me money and has agreed but doesnt bring it home.. I waited as long as I could to push the issue until I was out of money.. I am selling the house to no longer be dependent on him as well but that will take a bit...

I mean stop the tug of war over money when I cant get around it?

Getting stronger every day! Still working out like crazy and feeling good about myself...