So I did some things that I am not proud of re: his dating profiles. Long story short, he has deleted them and he doesn't know that I know he had them. I can forgive him for it because I know that my actions in the marriage caused his thinking to be the way it is. Honestly, I feel sorry for him, because he posted some new pictures on those dating profiles and I can see the misery in his eyes. I know him, and I can see the difference in the pictures he took while we are together vs. the ones after our separation. He was lonely and looking for friends..possibly more. I just wish he would have turned to me first, but I understand why he didn't. All I can do is show him the new me and pray he gives our marriage another chance.
A few weeks back, I caught him in a lie regarding him going out of town. I called him on it and he told me that he feels the need to lie to me because of my jealousy and the fact that I get mad if he hangs out with girls from work (in a group). I validated him at the time, because he is 100% right. I would fly off the handle and be super jealous anytime he would go out to lunch with co-workers. I told him that I would no longer get upset with him doing things, as long as he was forthcoming and didn't lie to me either outright or by omission. He knows I am really trying to restore the trust between us.
My H calls me out of the blue on Sunday while I am getting ready for work. He tells me that he is on his way to a small get together with his co-workers. He basically said he had told me that he was not going to lie to me any more, and he was serious about letting me know what he is doing as long as I don't get mad. I validated, thanked him, and was very appreciative. Then we chatted for a few minutes. A big 180 for me and a big step for him as well, considering he really didn't need to tell me anything since I would never have found out. Later that night, he texted me a bunch during my lunch break. It was really nice and upbeat. I thanked him again for his openness and honesty.
He called me again on Monday night right after he got off from work, just like he did when we were together. I am trying not to read too much in to these interactions, but I see big positives in the effort he is putting forth.
Me: 35 H: 33 M: 3 1/2 years, together 6 years No kids Bomb #1: ILYBNILWY 1/25/11 Signed 6 month lease: 3/16/11 Separated: 4/2/11 I'm moving..alone: 9/27/11
