Doing alright. July is a rough month. Our 5 year anniversary is this Wednesday, Her 1 yr sobriety is on Sunday, the day I asked her to marry me on the 27th and her birthday on the 30th. Holy month from he!!.
She continues to be nice to me. Calling (vs texting which has been her usual way to communicate) to ask me if I wanted to feed the cats while she is away. She said she could find someone else but thought it would be a good opportunity for me to see them. It was a very bubbly yet genuine call. She even told me to call her back (up until now it has been.. just send me a text) She knows I miss them. I called her back much later leaving a voice message saying I would. She called me back and we chatted about it. I validated her action of being thoughtful and assured her that I did not think she was passing the buck (because I truly don't). She was fearful of that. However she continued to chat about a few other things. I listened and was pleasant and then we got off the phone. Still have yet to end the conversation first.. need to work on that one.
I'm not sure why w is being so thoughtful or kind.... maybe now that she has the D conversation off her chest, she can be nice. Maybe seeing how loving I was to her on Saturday prompted her to be more loving to me.
Who knows. I don't really want to assume anything although assuming the last sentence from above inspires me to keep going. Not because I want her to be loving to me, but because I've been actively working on it for 8 months and it's nice to see it changing my life. It's difficult for me to be positive in the sitch, but I feel very proud of how I am handling things. The challenge for me is that I still want to protect myself from her. Even if she is being pleasant, she also said that she didn't want me in her life. I want to continue working on me, but want to set up some good boundaries so I don't put myself in hurtful situations. Like assume she cares.
What to do..what to do.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
