There is no communication between H and I atm. He dropped S3 off on Sunday and didnt utter a single word. A smile and off he went. My mum opened the door and waved to him. I didnt even ask her if he waved back.
He told me last week that he wont be able to do the Wednesday family nite because of where he works now. Its too far away and he is not able to leave early like his last place of work. Im very glad in a way. I think the time away from him will give me strenght again. And it may just make detachment a little easier. I realise it is incredibly hard now but I know I will get stronger.
Ive been thinking alot lately. Dont we all. And my friends have been helping me jog my memory abit. H has been pretty selfish throughout our marriage. He even admitted it straight after he left. He bought S3 a gift and said he realised that he was selfish and was becoming less so. Lately Ive been recalling some of the selfish things that he did and I cant believe why I never pulled him up on it. An example was on our first wedding anniversary. H didnt even buy me a card. I was absolutely guttered. I cried and he apologised. He said he would take me out but said he was hopeless with gifts. He said if I told him what I wanted then he would go out and get it. But the fact he didnt even buy me a card or book a restaurant really upset me. I had bought him a card, gift and organised an outing. The rest of our anniversaries, birthdays, christmas' have been much the same. No gifts or cards or outings booked. I felt like he didnt much care about me only about himself.
I know its wrong of me to think so but Im pretty mad that he spent all his money with OW. He has taken her out on 2 holidays already and they go shopping every weekend. It makes me mad and hurt that he spends his money on her but couldnt even buy me a birthday, christmas or anniversary present. This makes me feel that I am not worth as much as OW.
Do you think he will realise what a jerk he was to me? After all that I gave and gave up for him. Do you think he will ever regret what he has done?
Last night S3 said "Mummy, Daddy said he missed you". I asked him who said that. He said daddy did. But im not sure if I can trust what he says, after all he is only 3.
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
