When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

The yard sale went pretty well thank you! Gabe kept texting me the profits the whole time until I got up into the mountains and had next to no signal for 3 days. That was interesting! I could sit on my patio outside my room and sometimes get 1 bar...Woo hoo!!!

Thanks for all the advice on the eastern beaches. I really do want to head down to St. Augustine. I'm going to need to plan it ASAP.

The reunion was very nice. They held a memorial service for my mom even though this was my dad's family. They loved her so much and considered her to be the best thing that ever happened to my dad. She was the reason he stopped his 'he11 raisin' ways'. It was so fun to listen to their stories.

I received an email from my aunt, my mom's only surviving sibling. She lives in the San Diego area so I don't get to see her too often. She was asking me how I was doing with being orphaned now...UGH! I try not to think about that. Knowing I have a very large family is great, but not having that older person you've always been able to rely on around is very difficult. She did make two points in her email that have me thinking.

First, she mentioned that I don't usually show how I'm feeling so she's not sure what to say or do to help. She's right, I don't show my feelings. You all know why, I've told you before that through past history and traumas I had to shut myself down to protect myself from further harm. That is something that is now such a part of me that I find it really difficult to change.

Second, she asked me if Gabe and I were back together. She said she had been praying that we would work things out. I wasn't entirely sure how to tell her what was going on so I gave her the same pat answer I give everyone that asks. It's working for me now and when it isn't then I'll change things up. That answer sounds pretty hollow to me now. It's so dissatisfying and is starting to feel like a big cop out.

Why am I still so terrified to talk to him? This really is stupid of me. Of course, why do I feel I need definition to our R? Is it only because we have a history or is it because I feel like I'm at loose ends with him?

I know...broken record. I really should just put my big girl panties on and sit him down for a talk.