First off, I did have a Drs appointment and was diagnosed with something called "adjustment disorder". I will find out more about that at my psychotherapist visit tomorrow. In essence, i think it has to do with my ability to accept change. I was doing ok (not perfect) at DB, then in June 1 I was hit with letter bomb, after which I read DR. So really I have only been trying to cope with the letter bomb for 2 weeks b4 I was hit with, job loss on the 14th of June, and then Affair Bomb on July the 3rd. (yes people 3 bombs in 1 month) Yes I could have handled the situation better on July 3rd, but I was overwhelmed. I am proud of my self for not yelling, screaming or sobbing after that devastating news of her affair. Now... Have I learned a lot, absolutely, I have. Do I have more to learn, absolutely, will I get better at DR, with time yes.
When I ask a question it's because I don't get it. I am following the DR program against the advice of my physician. He told me that letting my wife delay making a decision on the future of her affair, is affecting my health. However, even though I think it would be vital for me to set my boundaries with her(end the affair, or find a new place to live) I am not doing that, because it would put pressure on her to make a decision. You know the other side of the coin is I could ask for the decision and if she took the option to leave, she would have time to experience a life, that is very different to the one she has now. Statistics prove that greater than 90% of affair relationships where a married partner leaves the marriage for the affair partner end In Failure. it's been said here in the stories of successes that, in many cases once the unfaithful spouse has experienced their exciting new life, they realize that the grass really is not greener on the other side, and many come back to their spouse.
So, whats the point of all of this?
1. Confidence = very little right now, I am adjusting it's been a brutal month.
Changes = made em, I'm pretty happy with who I am.
Who was Johnnie b4 I was married? = an immature, selfish, arrogant kid.
Who is Johnnie now? = a mature loving, civic minded, father, a supportive, hard working, respondsable and loving Husband, a mentoring, punctual, top 3% quartile employee. The list goes on. I am proud of myself. Did I lose my way at being the perfect husband... Obviously, but that can't be undone, only improved upon going forward.
2. What faults of mine contributed to my marriage breakdown?
Temper (I'm European you know), selfish (I like to get my way). Controlling (didn't let my wife buy everything she wanted all the time), Frugal (money's tight when you have 3 kids and 1.5 incomes) Poor communicator with my wife (I talk all day long, when I get home I didn't talk because I was tired of talking) (She needed to talk to adults, because she was stuck with kids all day). I realize that now. Lazy (I was raised in a house where my mother took care of the household chores) Impatient Father (I expect discipline from my children, something most parents don't do enough of with their kids, have noticed how disrespectful some kids are? Mine aren't.
Who is Johnnie now? All of the above traits have been addressed and improved greatly since February, still a work in progress on frugal though I want to have the house paid off 10 year early so that my wife and I could travel while we were still fairly young.
3. What do I want:
I want to be an excellent, loving and supportive father and husband, I want to be the best in class in my job performance. I want to be the man others look up to as a role model. I want to travel and really experience other cultures. I want the highest attended funeral, when that day comes. I believe in treating others the way you yourself would like to be treated, I teach that to my kids, and that means I have to live up to that to set an example. Like I said before, I may have lost my way from time to time, but I'm getting better.
4. GAL. I have a life. Exactly the life I loved, then slowly over time, the other half of that life pulled away, until one day she vocalized it, and when she did and I could see it, she was done. I wish we would have communicated better so that this never happened, my life has sucked ever since. Yes I gave her too much power in my life over my happiness, quite simply, I saw that as love.
In marriage Most days I feel like I'm running throughout the forest with a blindfold... I've hit my share of trees, I just wish somebody would help me take that blinfold off. That blindfold is communication, her addiction to her crack berry texting, my willingness to talk only on commercials has significantly stunted our cerebral connection, so, that will be my first area of focus should I ever get the chance.
I'm starting right now.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
