Don't know where I am

[Harrier]

(My POV) is that you aren't taking DB to heart: Your wife is too smart for that.

.....

DB isn't for her. I discovered that it never was.

It is for me.
.....

DB fits.

I agree with that and I do acknowledge that my history with DB isn't that great. BUT in the last 2 weeks or so I think I did finally get it.

But my problem is the "37 rules." I don't like them. I don't think they apply in all situations. I think people like to trot them out like they are the bible.

When a newcomer arrives, they start throwing around acronyms, lists, etc. The tell people to "detach" without having the foggiest idea of what that is really about. What are the consequences. What area all the facts. Then someone who doesn't follow the "rules" get blasted.

DB is actually quite simple in idea. ( think it really fits my W's approach to a T, she dislikes all that psychoanalysis) I think after 7 months I do get it. I don't think they are tricks or part of a game. I see that they aren't just to help me cope.

they help me become better. I am a much better husband today that I was before. By a lot. Not perfect, a work in progress but better. Our communication is probably better too. Especially from my end. My W commented on it the other day.

Early on in my situation, my wife called on my DB attempts. Seh said "It seems like you are pretending to be happy to make things improve."
Now, I'm pretty certain she'd say I have made a lot of changes for the better. Changes, not tricks.

That is one plan. Or rather than point out what will be gone when it happens, getting her used to the idea and building up a thick skin to it.

i don't know if I gave you the wrong idea. I don't say anything about what it will be like when I'm gone.

You are enjoying the momentary good things. But looking down the road at a looming fear, they hurt, planned hurt.

This rose is pretty and smells nice, but whats the point? In the end it will wilt and decay.

This puppy is cute and awesome, but in the end I'll just have to put him down, and that will rip my heart out.

Funny, I didn't want to get a dog for this very reason. We still have the dam dog.

I wouldn't have any regrets...and not to be mean here, I'm not sure you could say the same thing.

In this it seems like you are marginalizing some of your failings, and when another person is affected by your failings it is not up to you to determine when/if/how or why they should get past them.

...

I think your wife is just cautious.

I imagined my W would say the exact same thing if I said that to her. She'd say "you don't get to decide when I am done."
Not be be glib, but I was able to turn this around on her. Once she talked about her EA and said that she didn't know how I could get past it.
I basically said, "I've been working on this for months. As you would say, I get to decide this."

Of course, she's really worried that I just want to be married at all costs.

These are good things. Unless she is that crafty and evil...and not too many people are that evil. She seems sincere. If you know her to be that crafty, cunning and evil, why are you with her? Run.

Well she is crafty, I'll tell you. She was really crafty when pursuing me in the beginning.

That's good, was he cute?

Well he was no JTB

I watched an interesting show on dreams. I'm not into dream interpretation, but I am a very vivid dreamer.