Do a search for Pearlharbor's old threads. She was very successful in using this method with her long-term boyfriend. Just kept holding the bar up for him, saying "this is what I need," and DIDN'T try to "sell" him on it, just set the bar there and left it in his lap.
It can be a very powerful technique, but even if it's NOT successful, the beauty of it is, THIS IS WHAT YOU NEEDED ANYWAY. So you really have nothing to lose, if your list of two or three basic emotional needs are indeed your "Boundaries of Personal Integrity."
