Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

25,
Regarding the D I dont want it. What I want is for us to work together to build a happy marriage and family. I had originally told him I wouldnt sign any papers he brought to me. This was really before I knew how anything regarding a D worked.
To save $ on the cost of lawyers he wants to agree on everything. I never asked for this he has just said the entire time that he is giving it all to me. Both of us understand that If we both hire lawyers it will cost $ we dont have but if we agree on everything it will be much much cheaper..

I dont know what to do here.. He hasnt filed and we havent sat down to sort things out yet. My plan was just to let him file and take things as slow as possible on my part and if it goes through then so be it. He complained I took control of everything so my thoughts were to let him take control of this.

I dont think that I used guilt in our marriage but that is my opinion. Mostly we had a happy marriage and built a nice home in a place he chose on property he picked out. He stopped doing things around the house and left me to do it all. I complained that he was never doing things for the family because of his buisiness. My mom lived with us and was building her house on top of our garage which my H agreed to. She saw me picking up his slack (mowing the yard, working, kids, jackhammering concrete, caulking the tub, clearing land.. the list goes on)While he worked didnt bring home enough $ and slept in a lot or sat on the couch.
I tried my best to get him to help but he just didnt and only when it was a dire need he would fix something. This is normal marriage stuff or communication issues I thought we would get past. At one point I told him that I just needed him to focus on the trash in the house. Just take it out and I would handle everything else but he fell short there. I didnt complain about the trash again after that.. I asked him to find another job a lot since his company was not doing well and he was bringing in less than his guys that work for him. He was on his phone all the time even at dinner for work and would never just leave it even for a few minutes.
My mom was a whole other subject I see where she interfered and was another complaining mouth. I cannot undo what has been done I can only try to do better in the future but he sees no future.
Regarding the kids..

He is not a bad father he just stopped paying attention to the kids. He would fall asleep and wouldnt wake up while they ran round the house etc..This isnt my deal though.. I was abused as a child and am VERY VERY afraid of my kids having this done to them. This makes me super cautious about who they are around and in what setting. This is the thing I worry about them being around a strange person who my husband trusts and doesnt really watch them and bam it happens and I cant protect them. This is exactly how it happened to me..
I trust him but I dont trust who he trusts if that makes sense.. I know he would never intentionally do anything to hurt them but that is it.. he always has good intention..

My H knows this and is respectful of this.. However he has full access to the kids and I no longer tell him anything about them. I dont tell him to make sure of this or that he still just doesnt.. he forgot sunscreen on them this weekend even though I packed it but I didnt complain one bit.

He has been the one to say I want to do this or this. Im okay with him picking them up in the morning before I leave for work. It helps me get there on time.. However he almost never shows up on time and I usually take them on my own and end up late for work. I dont complain or even text him now I wait for him to text me that he just woke up etc..

Im trying hard to focus on what my DB coach told me not to give him reason to validate what he did. I wasnt a bad wife but our marriage did need work and we did need changes in our life. We allowed other people like his dad and my mom to move in with us and it exploded in our face...