Letting go is hard to do!

[Seminolewind]

As most of you know I am not big on updating when nothing has changed in my crappy stitch. My W and I went to mediation on Friday and we did settle the property issues. What we couldn't agree on was the custody of our girls. Currently my D17 is living with me and D12 is living with my W. We are both unwilling to budge on the girls but for two very different reasons. Mine is what I see as the best interest for the girls. They need some stability in their life right now. The W is only concerned with money and showing everyone how her and the OM are so perfect together. I told my lawyer that I was unwilling to make the girls choose between their mother or myself and I really don't want to make their mom look bad in court. My lawyer suggested that we do a custody evaluation and have the court decide. So at this point I will continue as I have been unless we agree or the court decides. My lawyer made me laugh at one point when the mediation lawyer was out of the room. She said "you are way too nice and I see you and your W reconciling down the road". I asked her why she thought that and she said "you just don't find that many good guys like you anymore and I have seen this many times in my practice". I thought about that and I thought of this place. This place is full of good guys and gals. Most of us at one point wanted to save our marriage and we learn the things we need to make that happen. Just be happy and don’t let the little things bring you down. I know easier said than done.

One of the things in the property settlement is that we are going to sell the home. Before I was asked to move out I had been remodeling the basement. It is about 60% complete so I asked my FIL if he would come up for a week and him and I finish the work to help the house sell faster. He thought that was a great idea, then I asked him to call the W with that suggestion. She doesn’t like talking to me because I am still the bad person. He called the W and she said she didn't want that SOB in her house (me), he is just trying to get out of paying his child support and what I deserve in maintenance. I guess she still has a little anger towards me, I can't make her like anything about me anyway and I find it funny how she is the only one that see’s me as the bad guy. Well he told me she wanted him to come up and they could hire the work done. I said whatever she wants. He told me he isn't coming up because he can't reason with her and it's pointless. My FIL and MIL don’t want us to divorce and they have both let her know she is making a mistake. I find it odd that she can still turn everything around on everyone else and nothing is ever her fault.

I guess everything I see on these boards all of our situations are very similar with just small variations. I don’t know how long I will be the SOB and really I can’t worry about how she feels about me anymore. I know I am better than what she thinks of me right now. If it helps her justify everything and lets her rewrite everything about me she can have fun with that. She might wake up someday and realize I am a good man. Then again she might hold that anger forever. I guess I had hoped some of the fog might have disappeared by now but I must remain patient. I will be divorced on the 19th which is going to be a week from tomorrow and that has never been my goal. I know everyone says it’s just a piece of paper but it still puts a little lump in my throat. I guess looking on the bright side I will try and step off the rollercoaster for a while. In 9 months most all of my fears have come true, the biggest one is going down next week and you know it’s not that bad facing the things that scare you the most. I am going to try and be the happiest man on this planet.

I hope everyone has a great day and I haven’t left these boards, I just read and post when I feel it might be beneficial.