Don't know where I am

[Jack_Three_Beans]

See I don't think mine as a true LBS, WAW. I mean all of MWD's criteria doesn't fit at all. My w wants to stay married, but doesn't know if she can get of things. Mainly, 2010 when I went nutty. I wouldn't even say it's an MLC.

I get that. Part of the problem (?) (My POV) is that you aren't taking DB to heart: Your wife is too smart for that. She knows what you are doing. She isn't a WAW or an MLC WAW. (To which I agree about not believing she is close to MLC).

Currently my wife isn't a WAW or an MLC WAW, she knows I not only have the books, try to live by them and spend time here trying to help others. She even knows a few posters by name...

Does that mean that my DBing is going to fail because she doesn't fall into these categories and knows about DB techniques?

DB isn't for her. I disovered that it never was.

It is for me.

It is at its most simplistic a self help book. Take a step up, a self help book with good/great ideas about relationships.

We all want to be the different here; But deep down across many levels we are the same.

DB won't work for me beacuse X,Y, and Z (pardons XYZ) don't fit.

Ultimately? You can be a better man/person and your marriage needs help. DB fits.

The only thing I can do make her see what will be gone.

That is one plan. Or rather than point out what will be gone when it happens, getting her used to the idea and building up a thick skin to it.

What happens if the day you move out, she feels the emptiness of everything good you brought to the table?

It may sound odd but these weekends are killing me.

It is not odd. Not at all.

You are enjoying the momentary good things. But looking down the road at a looming fear, they hurt, planned hurt.

This rose is pretty and smells nice, but whats the point? In the end it will wilt and decay.

This puppy is cute and awesome, but in the end I'll just have to put him down, and that will rip my heart out.

But with all that, I'm nearly done on the inside. I realized today that my life will be okay with out her and if I came home and she said "I decided I want the D." I'd probably say, "Okay, what do we need to do?" I'd be sad...and am a little sad.

That's funny, so would I. I wouldn't have any regrets...and not to be mean here, I'm not sure you could say the same thing.

I don't' know if I want someone who has to "decide" if they can be married to me. Who has to see if they can get over things. Who is not physically attracted to me now.

In this it seems like you are marginalizing some of your failings, and when another person is affected by your failings it is not up to you to determine when/if/how or why they should get past them.

A spouse who suffered physical abuse for a year (not your case I know, its an extereme) should she be able to decide if she wants to be married or does blind loyalty come into play in that situation as well?

For me? In my case? My wife's MLC is something I am always going to be worried about, too many stories where they come back, I am wary about it. The apologies and time and consistent work on her part is great...but I am mindful.

Trust is earned, but once broken, your eye will always see the crack no matter how amazing the fix job was.

I think your wife is just cautious.

My W made a misstatement this weekend that I picked up on (I mean with where I am how could I not.) I said I saw a house for sale in an area where we've wanted to move. She said if "we had enough money, that'd be the perfect solution. You could move out and live there for a while then when we were ready to live together we could just move into the new house."

I decided to stop inviting my W to one-on-one things. We were talking about movies. I said, "I still need to watch Sherlock Holmes. I'll probably watch it tonight (Sat.) after the kids are in bed." She says, "I'll watch it with you, but I'll probably do some work while the movie's one if that's okay." (She had already seen it)

So she's putting our oldest to bed and txts me. "Down in 5, u want to start the movie?"

Then she comes down watches the whole movie. Doesn't do any work.
It stuff like this that boggles my mind.

It's stuff like that, that I'd take as a cool sign. These are good things. Unless she is that crafty and evil...and not too many people are that evil. She seems sincere. If you know her to be that crafty, cunning and evil, why are you with her? Run.

I had a dream I was going on a date last night. I was nervous, excited and happy.

That's good, was he cute?