Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

It is amazing what you learn from other friends.. I have kept my mouth shut and havent brought anything up since he mentioned the D. I learned he noticed I lost weight and complimented me to a friend of ours and then said well I guess she thinks that is why I left and is doing it to get me back.
I just had to laugh at that comment.. I did find out he has been lying to me for quite a while. Not big things but different things he asked our friend's wife ,who was out with me this weekend, to lie for him. This was before he told me he wanted to leave around March I think. Then last year he would come over to their house and complain for 30 minutes about something I did that showed how jealous I was. She commented how he harped on it for so long and it made her ask her H if my H was seeing someone else.

I may never know the answer to that question and I dont really want to know I guess. I know now that I was unhappy in my marriage and was picking up the slack and was content being unhappy. Sad as it sounds I guess I thought things would just pick back up eventually when a few things changed.

Friday night I went to a friend's house and had dinner and our kids played. Well my H called me like 4times to talk to the kids and then sent me a text. My phone was in my purse and I didnt hear it so it was almost 2 hourse later when I saw it. His last text said that he was putting his phone in the truck and wouldnt hear it he would talk to the kids tomorrow.

Funny enough when I called him back he answered.. He asked where we were and I said at a friends and kept it vague. He talked to the kids and asked who they were playing with and I could hear him ask who they are playing with. They told him and he made the comment that he didnt know them.
The next day my D5 mentioned the little girl's name to him again and he said he didnt know her. My D5 said yes you have been to her house and he looked dumbfounded.

He did make sure to hand me some paperwork he got from an attorney. He hasnt actually filed yet it was just papers like a questionaire to help divide things and a child support estimation papers. I took them from him and smiled and said just let me know when you want to sit down to go over everything. He seemed to be really nervous but said okay and left with the kids..

The realtor also came over and my H walked around with us and told her all these things he was going to do. I just let him talk and shook my head in agreement. So I am doing good and sticking to my rules..
He did show up ontime this morning..

So my realization this weekend was I had super fun on my own. What do I really want to do with myself and where do I want to be. Im working on answering that for me now.. I dont want the man I see anymore and I dont want my old marriage. Im angry at being lied to and that he stopped talking to me and sharing with me and now its too late.
Im letting him go.. I am a woman only a fool would leave and he has validated that for me..