I think I see a bit of light...

[MHL]

Mind reading here, but I think it may have to do with just not wanting to have to pay the amount that the state says he will have to.

Could be part of it or it could be as snodderly says, he is keeping that connection alive with you.

Who knows????

I will do nothing to move his D along. That rests squarely on his shoulders. I do expect to hear something at some point, but it does not keep me from moving forward.

I have a question for you......this is more of a challenge or food for thought.......(not a 2X4 )

Is it possible that in your journey of moving forward that doing nothing about "his D" is hampering YOUR progress forward???

I am not suggesting that you take any action here.....only an introspective hard look at where you are at as it relates to your M. You have stopped looking at your H and have detached from his words and actions......

have you detached from the idea of the marriage to your H.

What does remaining married to him represent or do for you?

As I am typing these questions to you SA I do realize how it sounds and I also do realize and hope you do too that I am now divorced myself and so YOU, I and ANYONE else reading this need to consider where these words are coming from. (I think 25 pointed it out on another thread, very wise)

My point here is that we work so hard to detach from our spouse's behavior and words because they cause us pain....it is something we do for ourselves NOT a ploy or trick to get a reaction out of them.

When is it time to detach from the "marriage" or the idea of the "marriage"......could that be causing you pain or keeping you from moving forward?

For me I needed to formally end what was a "shell" of what it used to be. I think I could have also easily just declared that I was mentally, emotionally, and for all other intensive purposes......DONE with my marriage.

Where does maintaining your marriage fit into your journey?

Are you to the point that you don't care anymore so that if he does push through and it is finalized you will be fine???

I hear you on this....VVVVVVVV

I will do nothing to move his D along. That rests squarely on his shoulders.

I too felt that way, I wanted to be able to say that I stood for my marriage......I envisioned being at some family gathering with my grown kids one day and if my marriage were to come up I wanted to be blameless, I wanted to be able to show my "badge of honor", I wanted everyone to say, "he did everything he could, it was all her, she effed it up.....MHL was one heck of a husband, father, friend and a man....."

Well guess what........

I found that instead of wanting to ensure that some future recollection of my "stand" for my marriage would "spin" me as the "golden child" of my marriage.......I wanted to be that person TODAY (the golden child that is .

My inability to make a decision on my marriage that was over was actually keeping me from moving forward.

I hope you continue to make those steps in your journey SA, never stop.....no matter what those steps may be.

Cheers

~C