I can take that punch!

[Redo]

Kd, 25, CS, Thanks so much for stopping by!. Really appreciate your feedback.

--KD--

See... What she is telling you would be exactly what she would tell anyone else. What's positive about it, is she is actually telling you. As opposed to the "nothing's wrong, it's just me" response.

You definitely have given me a different way to look at it. Thanks!

Not so sure about that answer you gave her regarding whether you wanted her to come back...

I too was second guessing myself as to whether it was wise of me saying that. Because she did become quiet for a second. I said "wife do you think i have no more shame in asking you to come back?". I dunno, maybe it was harsh. I called that evening to talk to daughter over skype and my convo with wife was pleasant. Almost like that morning talk did not happen.

It's hard to tell if you told her you did NOT want her back. If you said that, maybe you could have just said, "You are just looking at options of how the future could look" or something similar...

I wish i told her "Wife it is your decision to make". But honestly i am beginning to feel like i am being strung along. For once i did not respond out of fear. But seeing 25's comment. i don't feel that bad now.


--25--

Maybe you can give me woman's perspective. By the time our convo ended, it looked like wife was making me see things from her shoes. As to how much she suffered, how hard this was and so on. As for me, i always said, "Wife i have contributed a lot to this marriage's demise. I own that. I also never matured enough to behave as a man or a husband. For that i am sorry". But somehow she still wants me to 'understand' why she did. I think that she is feeling guilty about the D thing and now wants some justification. During our convo she wanted forgiveness for what she did. I said "Its not my place to forgive you for even i had my share". Then she got lil upset and said "I am asking the forgiveness for me so that i can move on.". Then i replied "If you need to move on, then you have it. I forgive you"

Yesterday i did try to paint myself as a changed man by telling her all my changes. Much against DB principles. My mistake. At the end she did say "I dont know all your changes". I know for sure that she is scared that we will go back our old behaviors if we get back. That is her biggest fear. I don't blame her. I do have a poor track record on that, not because i was not committed or lazy, but because i though i could make changes for both of us and had un-realistic expectations for myself, which eventually proved impossible to achieve.

What i from our talk...Both need more time to mature out. I am not there yet and i dont think she is either.

I just wish we did not have this specter of D over our heads.

--CS--

The thing is, as you are realizing now, we learn nothing new. Because they are learning nothing new.

amen to that man!



BITs i am not sure if i made another mistake today. I was getting tired of not hearing anything about our D situation. So i emailed my L this morning asking her to contact wife's L to see what's holding things up. We were to get a draft decree 3 weeks ago. I'd just like to know if wife wants to be in a holding pattern. I am okay with it. Just could not take the suspense. I dunno, it is a bad/good idea??