See I am so lost... Please someone help me! 3

[Johnnieno1]

Wow, I dont know how to describe ny feelings today. One minute I'm ok, the next terrified, the next sad. What a ride. I think detaching from your spouse is pretty tough to do. I have found it very tough to keep my happy act going around her. My guts are churning, my brain is replaying happy memories, my heart is breaking. I can feel my love for her whithering, because I know, my marriage as I know it is dead. This must be how she has been feeling for a long time, I don't like it. I have released the rope. Maybe the fact that we (W, S, and I) are missing the girls (11 and 6) so much it is adding to my pain. I have tried reading success stories to give me hope, but truthfully, it's too painful. I am very happy for anyone who is able to rekindle their dying marriage... You are so lucky. Why did my marriage have to get to this point for me to realize how much I love my wife. I wish I had, held her more, talked to her more, and listened to her a lot more.

I want to write a letter to my wife telling her how I am feeling and my feelings for her, but I know better than to do that. I am sticking to the plan and doing my best to detach from her, It sux. My W seems to be in a happy mood. I am off work again today, and looking forward to my vist with the psychiatrist tomorrow. I hope he can help me. G.A.L. I suppose it would be a good thing for me to go back to work, as that would keep me busy. I was thinking about my sitch last night and it occurred to me that I have been DBing for longer than I thought. The problem was that every time I "fell off the wagon". It reset the clock. Truthfully, I am scared to admit this, but my W appears to have moved on. That's why she had her A. She has started her new journey, unfortunately, I'm caught in the door dragging beside the car. I know I will get through this, I just have to be strong and soldier forward. God, please give me the strength to seize control of my life again.

j