Has anyone seen my get-up-and-go?

[Dawn of Hope]

Not sure if anyone is still out there paying attention, but here's an update.

H says he will borrow money to halt the foreclosure if necessary. We thought we were going to get an offer on the house a week ago, but it fell through due to a credit problem with the potential buyers. So I keep slogging along, trying to keep things in shape for showings and trying not to take it personally when they say mean (and sometimes untrue) things about the house.

I've had a fair amount of work coming in (this is part of my busy season), which is very good because it means more income.

On the negative side, my sleep schedule is completely out of whack and I'm procrastinating on a lot of things, some with serious negative consequences. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the depression and all of its wonderful effects go away, although I know perfectly well that's not going to happen. The trouble is that for anything to improve, _I_ have to break the inertia and change it, which is one of the most difficult things on earth for a person with depression.

As I have said many times, one of the insidious traps of depression is that the disease seriously diminishes one's ability and interest regarding fighting the disease. It's something like an AIDS patient who requires a shot of medication but is too weak to give themselves the injection, and other people are too afraid of contracting the disease to come near the patient (like in the bad old days when AIDS was first discovered; if you remember, AIDS sufferers were "untouchable," on top of all the other horrors they endured). Depression makes other people not want to be around you, and yet in a lot of cases, it's almost impossible to do what it takes to lessen the effects of depression by yourself, so you just get worse ... vicious spiral. I can't tell you the number of times I have wondered if H would still have walked if my disease had been cancer or something else that there are clear tests for, rather than depression. So much for "in sickness and in health," eh? Okay, enough of that.

I just had a birthday at the beginning of the month, and it was nice to get some good wishes. Gotta love FaceBook and their birthday reminder feature.

Someone I never met before yesterday (at a recital for a mutual acquaintance) wants me to teach a calligraphy class for her little arts organization, which is close to home for me. It's a small thing, but I'm choosing to look at it as a divine push forward, and as a sign that I haven't been totally forgotten by God.

My sick cat is doing better. She will have to be medicated forever, but for the moment her ailments are being managed. She was even running around the house and playing last week, which I haven't seen her do for the better part of a year! Thank you, God.