Yes, J1... I know... I really, really, really know... it really, really, really sux... and there is NOTHING we can do and it is SOOOOO frustrating...
It is up to her and you just need to move forward. Figure your life out. Paint a picture of how it will look, with or without her. Of course, make room for her in the picture, but make sure the picture can be complete, without her.
If you are done with changes you want to make on yourself, and I completely appreciate that, then it will be completely up to her to decide eventually, or come to no decisions (or decide to move on) when she does so. No sooner and no later.
25 mentioned about being DB'd "by" the (WAW) S.
I've read a few things now and then about WAS behaviour and it reminded me how much what my W has been doing (her behaviour over the past year and a half) looks almost exactly like DBing. And I wonder... am I MLC? Am I the WAS? And she's DBing me...? And I haven't figured it out...?
And then I realize... the difference is, my W is not moving towards me. She's barely moving in parallel to me. And she is moving me OUT of her life, not continuing to leave room for me. Rather than closing the door but not locking it, she has locked the door and is closing it... it may not have latched yet...
And then I realize... the difference is, my W is not moving towards me. She's barely moving in parallel to me. And she is moving me OUT of her life, not continuing to leave room for me. Rather than closing the door but not locking it, she has locked the door and is closing it... it may not have latched yet...
Does that make sense?
I do get it. Basically, I have to find a way to kill my love for my wife. If things were meant to be, then maybe a new live will sprout and grow.
Or to use your analogy, perhaps in the future the two of you will open a new door...
For me, it all hinges on what my wife wants. Basically, I have to hang here in limbo until she is ready to move forward, one direction or the other... Does that make sense?
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
And then I realize... the difference is, my W is not moving towards me. She's barely moving in parallel to me. And she is moving me OUT of her life, not continuing to leave room for me. Rather than closing the door but not locking it, she has locked the door and is closing it... it may not have latched yet...
Does that make sense?
I do get it. Basically, I have to find a way to kill my love for my wife. If things were meant to be, then maybe a new live will sprout and grow.
Or to use your analogy, perhaps in the future the two of you will open a new door... For me, it all hinges on what my wife wants. Basically, I have to hang here in limbo until she is ready to move forward, one direction or the other... Does that make sense?
I can't say it doesn't make sense. But why don't you try to say the opposite of that sentence? "For me, it does NOT hinge upon what my wife wants b/c I wll be happy with or without her."
And what is your plan if she says 1) nothing; or 2) she's done ...??
You gave her an ultimatum (against all the advice from here, but... no matter now)
and I fear her answer will not be what you want
BUT IF SHE DOES SAY that "OM is out"...how will you cope with not believing her?
B/C I sense you won't. How do you think she's going to enjoy that?
I sense trust issues so, you'll have to struggle with that too.
And that's if she says she DOES want to work on the m.
The poll taking is such a bad idea, for you especially. You're very pulled,
and you seem to be the victim of the last strong opinion you hear.
I wish for you peace and clarity from within, NOT "hinged" on her.
Hinged solely on YOU.
If only you knew that the one chance you have with her,
is from a position of strength.That comes from detaching and NOT "hinging" on her actions/words...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am going into more intensive therapy, now. I have an appointment with a psychaiatrist on Tues and therapist on Friday. Ultimately my happiness does hinge on me. If we work things out, I'll be happy being me a Husband and Father, if we don't, I'll be happy being me and a Father. As I adjust to either path, new people, experiences will come in and out of my life. If things don't work out with my wife, after I have had a chance to heal, I will find someone new. Obviously though, I would like to keep my family intact and rebuild. I won't give up on that until it is done, done. I hope the more intensive therapy will be able to help me build my internal strength, It's here, I just have to find it again. Yes I do hinge my happiness on my wife. She has been my partner for 13 years. That docent just change overnight. She has been emotionally preparing for some time now, I need more time to get there.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
That's awesome! Otherwise, being here would be moot...
How you plan on still "being in", and the ACTIONS that will SHOW your W that you have a life with or without her will be what she notices.
If there will ever be a time that she would make a full on decision, it will be knowing that you truly are moving on.
And the beautiful thing is, she will KNOW that it is not a tactic. She will KNOW that you are being "real" and she may or may not make a decision to re-evaluate her life and move forward with you (with the work that it will take to do so).
And you will be OK moving forward... whether she joins you or not...
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
She has been emotionally preparing for some time now, I need more time to get there.
Exactly... that's what makes it tough for the LBS. We very often come from a position of surprise... and we trip all over ourselves just to catch up. Never mind move ahead and forward...
not to quibble but you say you've been married to your w for 13 years so
of course you hinged your happiness on her and now have to get used to not doing so.
I've been m to h for 30 years.
I never "hinged my happiness" on him. How unhealthy and unfair that would be of me to do to him.
How burdensome.
Do you get what I mean?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
