You said you wanted 2 months of sobriety and then you'd date him...but you are already dating him?? How many DAYS was it?
what is going on? You're with him but...if he keeps drinking, then what?
...and he IS drinking or isn't? IF he IS...then wth are you doing that's different from your past?
I want to support you, but you're in such a blatant pattern...you don't see this? Or you don't want to?
If I recall my Al Anon days right, you tell them to call/come around after they've done 90 AA meetings in 90 days and
were straight/sober the whole 90 days. You can attend with them IF they want you to go... Yes I know, your h isn't "comfortable" with AA...oh and he's also never gotten sober either. So you won't enforce the 90 days either??
What will you enforce?
The stories I told you from my childhood were NOT the worst memories or examples of my father's drinking....
nor were the stories of my FIL his worst...
like the time he raped his 1st wife...and didn't remember it the next day. My h heard it. He was 11.
Or the time fil literally asked his 2d wife how she got the black eye HE had given her the night before...he was mad at whoever had done it, but she said "it was YOU" and he blanched...ooops....
She warned him if he ever hit her again, she'd leave....
2 years later, he did. She left. HE changed. Too bad, too late for their m.
So he began drinking again...of course...and if she'd come back, he would have restarted it anyhow. His history proves that.
Tipper, I don't know what else to say to you. To me, it's not complicated.
You don't help HIM OR YOU by not enforcing this SIMPLE boundary...
I'm sorry, but YOUR behavior is TEXT BOOK ENABLER CO-DEPENDENT.
Even To the point of going to the Al Anon meetings and doing all the talk but not walking the walk.
As the adult child of an alcoholic who heard/saw this cycle about 100 times growing up, I am saddened by this and frustrated. Really frustrated...
You're so textbook! and so NOT helping him...
I didn't hate my dad, I loved him.
As an adult I was strong, healthy and loving enough to NOT be around him when he drank....
so he didn't drink around me. WE actually had a R...he was a decent grandfather and my kids NEVER saw him drunk.
what I did was hard, but it helped my dad, at least some... what YOU have done so far and are doing NOW, does Not help your h get sober for real...
you allow him to find ways around your boundaries, b/c HE is "different" and "AA won't work for HIM"....hope you know he's not the first
"Special" case to claim that HE has his own way of getting sober...and hey, 1-% of those who recover, do it without AA...but of those, half do it with an alternative program like Promises...
so your h, with NO history of success on this, will get sober the way 1 out of 20 people do...BUT wait, he's NOT sober. He's been at a bar at least twice this week.
You see this as a small slip? If he' done 90 days and THEN "slipped", it's called a slip or relapse. When they've done maybe 2 days sober, it's NOT called sobriety.
and did you say his father drinks "just a few beers" but he's a "recovering alcoholic"? What? [/u]
...seriously? Have you asked AL Anon or AA about "just having a few"? [b] oh--how's your husband dealing with his withdrawal symptoms?
IF he doesn't have any symptoms, then he's NOT sober...
Love is not merely a noun. IT is a verb, requiring action and sacrifice...
"Get sober or lose me"...not complicated...just hard for YOU, b/c you get lonely and call it love.
Sorry if this sounds tough, but it's hard for me to be part of something like this AGAIN in my life...
been there, done that. Hey, Tipper
You have all the answers and support you need to do the right thing.
You're choosing, knowingly, to make excuses for NOT doing the right thing
and I'm not buying it. I'm calling you on it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
