Spent some time in contemplation and prayer. Got no answers or guidance but then again I don't know what to look or listen for. Heck I'm starting to think I don't even know what authentic love looks like...from a man or from a spiritual source. Is it sugar or splenda?
Feeling like I've wasted two years of my life and my kids lives waiting and hoping for something that will not happen.
Feeling that going dark may likely be the death rattle of things between the STBX and I. If not from his end, then from mine. I'm experienced in pretending people are dead or they never existed to me. I can forget people and have, so walking this fine line between polite disinterest and erasure will be very difficult for me, even with the evidence ( our children) in my daily existence.
I don't like or enjoy life much. I'm mostly going through the motions, working on basic survival matters, day to day existence.
It's almost funny. I was alone a lot in my marriage, mostly ignored, seldom engaged. Nonetheless I feel the loss of STBX's prescence badly.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
